Thursday, April 28, 2011
On to the next step!
China has reviewed all of our dossier documents and issued its definitive approval of us as our future son's parents!!!! Now we have to complete part two of the immigration process, in which our son will be found eligible for an immigrant visa, and then all we need is our official travel document from China! The immigration process is actually more complicated than one would guess, involving multiple steps and offices in two countries, but still--we are getting closer!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Easter tidbits
Happy Easter! (a little late) He is Risen! (then, now and always!)
We started our Easter doings just over a week before, with an Easter egg hunt at our church. The event started with all the kids coming into the sanctuary to sing along with a couple of kids' praise music videos that are favorites on Wednesday night. The leader invited any kids who wanted to, to come up on stage and help lead the singing. Esther was one of the first ones up, and boy, did she get into it! I wasn't able to get any really good pictures, but the one below will give you an idea of how she was dancing. The child was airborne! (One of the other kids told her afterwards, "You did good, Esther!")
The eggs had to be hunted indoors, as the ground was sopping wet outside. Esther's age group went first to the gym, where eggs were simply scattered across the floor and they all ran around like maniacs picking up as many as they could. Then they were let into the kitchen were eggs were a little more creatively distributed. I had picked out a not-too-big bucket for Esther, somewhat on purpose since I didn't want her inundated with sugar, so she got maybe twenty eggs. Some other kids had more like 40--yikes! She was satisfied with what she had, and willingly shared some of the eggs that were threatening to overflow her basket with a toddler.
After the egg hunt, we all re-convened in the sanctuary to watch a children's Bible version of the first Easter, which I thought was quite well done. We finished up with a pizza lunch. The next day, when I was on nursery duty, I (or rather, the babies) found four overlooked eggs in the nursery.
On Palm Sunday, she enjoyed waving palm branches and saying "Hosanna!" The next few days we read through the story of Jesus' last week (on earth) in a children's Bible several times. Esther had evidently been through the story in our church's children's program as well, in some detail--she kept asking me why people put thorns on Jesus' head and there was blood running down his face. The children's Bible was a little graphic as well, and one morning she told me she had had a bad dream that "bad guys cut Jesus into pieces and he said 'Wah.'" After that I backed off a little on the reading.
I already posted about coloring Easter eggs and our Seder at church, so I won't repeat that here. She got to do a second Easter egg hunt at her story hour on Friday, this one outside. She also got to color some more eggs!
On Saturday evening, we went through our set of "Resurrection eggs" with her. This is a set of twelve plastic Easter eggs, each of which has some symbol in it to remind the viewer of Jesus' last week. For example, the first egg has a little plastic donkey because Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. The last egg is empty, because Jesus' tomb was empty on Easter morning. We let Esther open each egg and tell us what was inside and what it had to do with Jesus. She knew a lot of them, and had fun discovering what was inside each one.
On Easter morning, Tim and I both had parts in our church's early service drama. Tim had a monologue as Malchus, the servant of the high priest whose ear was cut off by Peter. Esther did not care for hearing him talk in first person about his ear being cut off! I had a short monologue as Mary Magdalene, after she had encountered the risen Jesus. One of the last lines in my monologue was, "Jesus is alive!!" Esther was much impressed, and has been asking me periodically ever since, "Why did you wear that thing [scarf] on your head and say 'Jesus is alive!'" In the actual service, right after my monologue, I was to walk over to one of the windows, which we had covered with a thick material, rip the material off to let the light shine in, and proclaim, "He is risen!" Then the rest of the cast members and other volunteers ripped the material off of the other windows. In the middle of the excitement, I heard a little voice from the second row (where Esther was sitting with family friends) exclaim, "He is risen! Jesus is alive!" Then the worship leader went up on stage and said, "Hallelujah," and Esther shouted back, "Hallelujah!!" Ordinarily I don't want my child to be loud in church, but under the circumstances it was very appropriate. After the dramatic first service, we had an all-church Easter breakfast and then a more standard second service.
Esther wore a silky pink qipao (a traditional Chinese style) with a floral pattern. She did not want to be subjected to a photo shoot. The picture below is the best one I was able to get. (Yes, she is wearing her rain boots!)
After her nap, she hunted for her Easter basket, finally finding it inside our recycle containers.
Her favorite part of the contents was a plastic, wind-up chicken that walks and lays bubble gum eggs. We had been watching an old home video the last time we were at my grandma's house, which showed my brother getting such a chicken for some holiday (I think his birthday). Esther thought that was the coolest thing ever and asked if she could have one. I couldn't remember having ever seen anything like it, but I told her if I saw one I could get it for her. And wouldn't you know, when I was in Walmart shopping for her Easter basket...there was the chicken.
We started our Easter doings just over a week before, with an Easter egg hunt at our church. The event started with all the kids coming into the sanctuary to sing along with a couple of kids' praise music videos that are favorites on Wednesday night. The leader invited any kids who wanted to, to come up on stage and help lead the singing. Esther was one of the first ones up, and boy, did she get into it! I wasn't able to get any really good pictures, but the one below will give you an idea of how she was dancing. The child was airborne! (One of the other kids told her afterwards, "You did good, Esther!")
The eggs had to be hunted indoors, as the ground was sopping wet outside. Esther's age group went first to the gym, where eggs were simply scattered across the floor and they all ran around like maniacs picking up as many as they could. Then they were let into the kitchen were eggs were a little more creatively distributed. I had picked out a not-too-big bucket for Esther, somewhat on purpose since I didn't want her inundated with sugar, so she got maybe twenty eggs. Some other kids had more like 40--yikes! She was satisfied with what she had, and willingly shared some of the eggs that were threatening to overflow her basket with a toddler.
After the egg hunt, we all re-convened in the sanctuary to watch a children's Bible version of the first Easter, which I thought was quite well done. We finished up with a pizza lunch. The next day, when I was on nursery duty, I (or rather, the babies) found four overlooked eggs in the nursery.
On Palm Sunday, she enjoyed waving palm branches and saying "Hosanna!" The next few days we read through the story of Jesus' last week (on earth) in a children's Bible several times. Esther had evidently been through the story in our church's children's program as well, in some detail--she kept asking me why people put thorns on Jesus' head and there was blood running down his face. The children's Bible was a little graphic as well, and one morning she told me she had had a bad dream that "bad guys cut Jesus into pieces and he said 'Wah.'" After that I backed off a little on the reading.
I already posted about coloring Easter eggs and our Seder at church, so I won't repeat that here. She got to do a second Easter egg hunt at her story hour on Friday, this one outside. She also got to color some more eggs!
On Saturday evening, we went through our set of "Resurrection eggs" with her. This is a set of twelve plastic Easter eggs, each of which has some symbol in it to remind the viewer of Jesus' last week. For example, the first egg has a little plastic donkey because Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. The last egg is empty, because Jesus' tomb was empty on Easter morning. We let Esther open each egg and tell us what was inside and what it had to do with Jesus. She knew a lot of them, and had fun discovering what was inside each one.
On Easter morning, Tim and I both had parts in our church's early service drama. Tim had a monologue as Malchus, the servant of the high priest whose ear was cut off by Peter. Esther did not care for hearing him talk in first person about his ear being cut off! I had a short monologue as Mary Magdalene, after she had encountered the risen Jesus. One of the last lines in my monologue was, "Jesus is alive!!" Esther was much impressed, and has been asking me periodically ever since, "Why did you wear that thing [scarf] on your head and say 'Jesus is alive!'" In the actual service, right after my monologue, I was to walk over to one of the windows, which we had covered with a thick material, rip the material off to let the light shine in, and proclaim, "He is risen!" Then the rest of the cast members and other volunteers ripped the material off of the other windows. In the middle of the excitement, I heard a little voice from the second row (where Esther was sitting with family friends) exclaim, "He is risen! Jesus is alive!" Then the worship leader went up on stage and said, "Hallelujah," and Esther shouted back, "Hallelujah!!" Ordinarily I don't want my child to be loud in church, but under the circumstances it was very appropriate. After the dramatic first service, we had an all-church Easter breakfast and then a more standard second service.
Esther wore a silky pink qipao (a traditional Chinese style) with a floral pattern. She did not want to be subjected to a photo shoot. The picture below is the best one I was able to get. (Yes, she is wearing her rain boots!)
After her nap, she hunted for her Easter basket, finally finding it inside our recycle containers.
We ended the day by having friends over for Easter dinner in the early evening (which turned out to be lateish evening, since our downstairs refrigerator is apparently set too cold and the turkey didn't thaw as it should have). But the food all tasted good when it was done, and meantime Esther and her little friend had had a blast running through our new play sprinkler, and the grown-ups had enjoyed chatting outside on a very warm spring day. So all in all, we had a really nice Easter!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Happy 3rd Family Day, Esther Si Di!
Three years ago yesterday, we met a little baby with big eyes and a shock of black hair, and our family changed forever. So yesterday, we celebrated! Different families celebrate in different ways, but we like to mark the anniversary of the three of us becoming a family by spending a day doing things that Esther likes.
So, for breakfast we had bacon (a rare treat in this household!) and blueberries.
In the morning, Esther rode her tricycle outside for a while and then got to watch all of Monsters, Inc. (okay, so not exactly a family-centered activity, but it is her current obsession). Later, we colored Easter eggs! It is the first year I have attempted coloring eggs with her and she loved it! (So did I!)
For lunch, we ate out on her deck and Esther got to drink a chocolate milk box. We interrupted our lunch to run and give a bag of plant matter to the garbage truck, and Esther told the guys on the truck all about her Family Day and the importance of being careful when putting a straw into a milk box. I don't think they had the first idea what she was talking about, but they got a kick out of her earnestness.
After nap, we packed up a picnic supper and went to a nearby state park which has a fabulous playground. Esther was in her element! She was especially thrilled when a busload of teenagers showed up (before that, the playground had been deserted). She promptly struck up conversations with any of them who would listen, then grabbed one boy by the hand and towed him all of the play structure, much to the amusement of his peers. (And if she thinks she will be able to treat her big brother like that, we are in for trouble! I told the boy he could say no, but he said that it was good exercise. I feel vindicated--even a teenage boy is challenged to keep up with her! ;-)
In the evening, our church had a Christian Seder. (Seder = traditional Jewish passover meal.) Esther loved getting to taste all the different kinds of food (although she needed a drink of water in a hurry after trying the "bitter herbs" dipped in horseradish sauce!). She especially loved the four "cups" of "fruit of the vine" (grape juice in our case), which were served in the same kind of cups that we use for communion. Since we don't let her take communion yet, those little cups of juice are like the holy grail to her.
And of course, we told her lots of times how glad we are that she's part of this family! This morning Esther asked me, "Is it still my Family Day?" I get the feeling she enjoyed it! :-)
So, for breakfast we had bacon (a rare treat in this household!) and blueberries.
In the morning, Esther rode her tricycle outside for a while and then got to watch all of Monsters, Inc. (okay, so not exactly a family-centered activity, but it is her current obsession). Later, we colored Easter eggs! It is the first year I have attempted coloring eggs with her and she loved it! (So did I!)
For lunch, we ate out on her deck and Esther got to drink a chocolate milk box. We interrupted our lunch to run and give a bag of plant matter to the garbage truck, and Esther told the guys on the truck all about her Family Day and the importance of being careful when putting a straw into a milk box. I don't think they had the first idea what she was talking about, but they got a kick out of her earnestness.
After nap, we packed up a picnic supper and went to a nearby state park which has a fabulous playground. Esther was in her element! She was especially thrilled when a busload of teenagers showed up (before that, the playground had been deserted). She promptly struck up conversations with any of them who would listen, then grabbed one boy by the hand and towed him all of the play structure, much to the amusement of his peers. (And if she thinks she will be able to treat her big brother like that, we are in for trouble! I told the boy he could say no, but he said that it was good exercise. I feel vindicated--even a teenage boy is challenged to keep up with her! ;-)
In the evening, our church had a Christian Seder. (Seder = traditional Jewish passover meal.) Esther loved getting to taste all the different kinds of food (although she needed a drink of water in a hurry after trying the "bitter herbs" dipped in horseradish sauce!). She especially loved the four "cups" of "fruit of the vine" (grape juice in our case), which were served in the same kind of cups that we use for communion. Since we don't let her take communion yet, those little cups of juice are like the holy grail to her.
And of course, we told her lots of times how glad we are that she's part of this family! This morning Esther asked me, "Is it still my Family Day?" I get the feeling she enjoyed it! :-)
Saturday, April 16, 2011
family matters
With all of our family together recently, Esther got plenty of chances to be confused about our relationships with each other. It is hard to assimilate that, for example, her grandpa is my dad! One morning, Esther wanted to wake up my mom. So she went to my dad and asked, "Can you wake up your grandma?" He replied, "She's not my grandma, she's my wife!" So Esther went to Tim and asked, "Can you wake up Mommy's wife?" (She has continued to try to figure out these relationships even with my parents gone, and is making some progress on husband and wife. Tim told me that the last time he took her to daycare, she waved to me and said, "Good-bye, Daddy's wife!")
Another time we had the following conversation:
Esther (in the other room): Mommy, mommy!
Mommy: Yes, Esther?
Esther: Not you; I'm looking for Daddy.
It reminded me irresistibly of the time a Chinese student acquaintance initiated a google chat while I was using Tim's e-mail account. Upon being informed that she was chatting with me and not Tim, she responded, "It does not matter. To me, you two are one." (I thought that was a nice compliment!)
It reminded me irresistibly of the time a Chinese student acquaintance initiated a google chat while I was using Tim's e-mail account. Upon being informed that she was chatting with me and not Tim, she responded, "It does not matter. To me, you two are one." (I thought that was a nice compliment!)
Esther has now reached the stage of making embarrassing observations in public. When we were at my grandma's house last weekend, Esther informed a visitor, "You're very fat!" Fortunately he has several small grandchildren of his own and took it in good humor. But after he left, I felt it important to educate Esther about the fact that some people don't like being told that they're fat. I suggested that next time she wanted to say that somebody was fat, she could just whisper it in my ear. So she leaned confidingly close to me and whispered, "Mommy, you're fat!" (At which point I completely cracked up, probably giving her the impression that it was the cutest thing she could possibly have said. Oops.)
Now that Tim is a professor, he needs to attend graduations decked out in a fancy schmancy Ph.D. gown, hood and hat. He recently ordered his set of academic regalia (which was not cheap! yikes!), and we all looked forward to seeing how he looked in it after it arrived. Esther was as excited as any of us, and it was a hoot to hear this little three-year-old talking breezily about "Daddy's academic regalia." When the big try-on day arrived, she duly admired Daddy's new look, and then exclaimed, "I have academic regalia in my playroom!" And she ran off to get it, returning with a graduation gown left by a former occupant of the house. So she got to try on her own academic regalia. Aren't they cute?
Now that Tim is a professor, he needs to attend graduations decked out in a fancy schmancy Ph.D. gown, hood and hat. He recently ordered his set of academic regalia (which was not cheap! yikes!), and we all looked forward to seeing how he looked in it after it arrived. Esther was as excited as any of us, and it was a hoot to hear this little three-year-old talking breezily about "Daddy's academic regalia." When the big try-on day arrived, she duly admired Daddy's new look, and then exclaimed, "I have academic regalia in my playroom!" And she ran off to get it, returning with a graduation gown left by a former occupant of the house. So she got to try on her own academic regalia. Aren't they cute?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Lest Uncle Nathan feel left out...
I posted a little while ago about how Esther reminds me of my sister, but there are also ways that she reminds me of my brother.
For starters, they are both outdoors types. My brother loves plants--he has been a green thumb since he was no older than four, and was wielding an adult-sized hoe and cobbling together drip irrigation systems probably before he could read. I don't know if Esther will turn out to have the love-affair with plants that her "Unca Nafan" does, but she loves being outdoors more than almost anything else, and she does seem to enjoy digging, pruning, watering, and other activities related to caring for plants. The last time we visited my family at their house, Nathan let her help him plant and water some of his (very large) collection of beloved flora, and she talked about it for months afterwards. I didn't take any pictures, unfortunately, so instead I'll embarrass him by posting a picture of him doting on a flowering tree (he would know what variety; I have no clue) during a stroll in the botanical gardens.
Esther and Nathan also both have a talent for working with their hands. They're much more spatial than I am, and are good at figuring out how things work. While Nathan was visiting, he did a few repairs around the house for us. Esther was glued to his side, watching every move, using (or pretending to use) every tool that he would let her touch, and doing her very best to convince him that she could be trusted with the electric drill.
And finally, Esther's sense of humor is a lot like Uncle Nathan's (and Great-Grandpa Pack's!). Nathan has always found perverse delight in getting a rise out of people. You can imagine what it's like to be big sister to someone like that--the more aggravated I got, the more he was motivated to keep doing exactly what he was doing! One summer it was making kissing noises like Sebastian the crab and kissing my shoulder; several years it was burping constantly; other years he found other ways to drive me up the wall for his own entertainment. So I have to confess that my heart sank when I began to detect a familiar spark of glee in Esther's eye as she does something deliberately annoying. Yesterday she had a playdate. At one point her friend's mom and I went to investigate shrieks of frustration from the friend and giggles from Esther. We found Esther's friend yelling, "Stop it! Stop it!! She didn't listen to me!!" while Esther, in high good humor, approached to do whatever-it-was (poking him, I think) again. I have a feeling this is not going to go over well with new big brother.
Anyway, Esther and "Unca Nafan" had a good time together when he was here. Besides letting her "help" with his carpentry, he let her carry his keys and cell phone around, and jump on him to wake him up in the morning. He is quite the indulgent uncle, and she is quite the admiring niece! The day after he left, the first thing she said upon waking up in the morning was, "Is it time to go wake up Unca Nafan?" I think she did know he was gone, but was just checking to make sure that was still the case. We don't know when we'll get to see him next, but we're looking forward to it!
For starters, they are both outdoors types. My brother loves plants--he has been a green thumb since he was no older than four, and was wielding an adult-sized hoe and cobbling together drip irrigation systems probably before he could read. I don't know if Esther will turn out to have the love-affair with plants that her "Unca Nafan" does, but she loves being outdoors more than almost anything else, and she does seem to enjoy digging, pruning, watering, and other activities related to caring for plants. The last time we visited my family at their house, Nathan let her help him plant and water some of his (very large) collection of beloved flora, and she talked about it for months afterwards. I didn't take any pictures, unfortunately, so instead I'll embarrass him by posting a picture of him doting on a flowering tree (he would know what variety; I have no clue) during a stroll in the botanical gardens.
Anyway, Esther and "Unca Nafan" had a good time together when he was here. Besides letting her "help" with his carpentry, he let her carry his keys and cell phone around, and jump on him to wake him up in the morning. He is quite the indulgent uncle, and she is quite the admiring niece! The day after he left, the first thing she said upon waking up in the morning was, "Is it time to go wake up Unca Nafan?" I think she did know he was gone, but was just checking to make sure that was still the case. We don't know when we'll get to see him next, but we're looking forward to it!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
OH my GOODNESS!!
Otherwise entitled, If God is For Us, Who Can Be Against Us?
Not bureaucratic processes, that's for sure!
We were really encouraged on Sunday by a great sermon about how God answers prayer, time in a Sunday school class that is All About prayer, and finding out how many people have been praying for Tim's fingerprints. Yesterday, of course, we were thrilled to find out that Tim's fingerprints had been successful. Then today we got a call from our agency. Our agency case manager (or whatever her title is) had sent an e-mail to the USCIS yesterday asking if they would kindly waive policy and assign us an officer now instead of waiting until our turn in line. She wasn't very optimistic that they would choose to do so, but thought it couldn't hurt to ask. Well! This afternoon I got a call from her saying that not only do we have an officer, but our case has been approved, the approval has been electronically forwarded to our agency, and our dossier can be on its way to China this afternoon!!!!! AND the officer instructed us to make sure that our next round of immigration paperwork goes directly to her, so it can be processed as quickly as possible. I am beyond thankful that we were assigned to this particular officer (or that she chose to add us to her caseload, I'm not sure which), as she did NOT have to go out of our way for us like she is.
Two conclusions:
God really wants our son to have a family.
God really answers prayer!!
Not bureaucratic processes, that's for sure!
We were really encouraged on Sunday by a great sermon about how God answers prayer, time in a Sunday school class that is All About prayer, and finding out how many people have been praying for Tim's fingerprints. Yesterday, of course, we were thrilled to find out that Tim's fingerprints had been successful. Then today we got a call from our agency. Our agency case manager (or whatever her title is) had sent an e-mail to the USCIS yesterday asking if they would kindly waive policy and assign us an officer now instead of waiting until our turn in line. She wasn't very optimistic that they would choose to do so, but thought it couldn't hurt to ask. Well! This afternoon I got a call from her saying that not only do we have an officer, but our case has been approved, the approval has been electronically forwarded to our agency, and our dossier can be on its way to China this afternoon!!!!! AND the officer instructed us to make sure that our next round of immigration paperwork goes directly to her, so it can be processed as quickly as possible. I am beyond thankful that we were assigned to this particular officer (or that she chose to add us to her caseload, I'm not sure which), as she did NOT have to go out of our way for us like she is.
Two conclusions:
God really wants our son to have a family.
God really answers prayer!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Good news!!!
Tim got his fingerprints taken again on Friday. The set of four that included his little finger was still flagged "unclassifiable" by the machine, but the individual print of his little finger, oddly enough, passed. (He still has a spot in the middle of his finger, though it is not as bad as it was.)
I called in today to find out the status of his prints, and they were acceptable!!!!!!!! I know a lot of people were praying for them. Now we have to wait for our case to be assigned to an officer so that they can examine our application and (presumably) issue our approval notice. Based on current processing times, that will happen sometime between April 15-30. Of course, we are hoping for sooner! But, whatever happens, we are soooo relieved to have the fingerprints definitively behind us.
I called in today to find out the status of his prints, and they were acceptable!!!!!!!! I know a lot of people were praying for them. Now we have to wait for our case to be assigned to an officer so that they can examine our application and (presumably) issue our approval notice. Based on current processing times, that will happen sometime between April 15-30. Of course, we are hoping for sooner! But, whatever happens, we are soooo relieved to have the fingerprints definitively behind us.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Two of a kind
I LOVE family reunions! I envy people who get to live just down the street or across town from their extended family members. Tim grew up with both sets of grandparents living nearby and involved in his life, and it was a real blessing for them. But, my family has this habit of living scattered across the country, if not the globe, so we don't get to see each other as often as we would like.
However, in mid-March, my entire family--parents and brother from Oregon, sister from Arizona, and grandmother from Kentucky--converged on our house. It was the first time that all of them except for my grandma had visited us here, so we had fun showing off our new house and hometown and home state. Some of the local attractions that I had been looking forward to sharing with my family were, unfortunately, closed for the winter, and the trees didn't start blooming until the day after most people left, but they did manage to hit the most spring-like week of weather that we've had so far this year. We actually ate several meals outside, it was so warm. We visited a state park, toured the university where Tim teaches, ate good food (featuring lots of MEEEEEEEEEAT!, in honor of my brother), and generally hung out. Of course Esther got to be a star, which was quite to her taste.
My parents and brother were only able to stay for a few days, since they were sandwiching the trip in between my dad's return from his annual volunteer trip to Thailand and the date he had to return to work, as well as between my brother's last final exam and his need to start job-hunting for the upcoming spring and summer. But my sister and grandma were both able to stay for a week.
I wasn't quite sure what it was going to be like having my sister here for a week. Due to her developmental disabilities, she requires more energy than your average adult house guest. And frankly, it's been a long time since I've lived with her, so I wasn't sure how the experience might be the same or different from what I remember of spending summers at home when I was in college.
As it happened, being at home with both Esther and Melodie was a lot like having two three-year-olds in the family...except that one of them, when she jumped up and down with excitement, shook the whole house! Esther has much better fine and gross motor coordination, while Melodie has the edge in life experience, but other than that they're a lot alike. In fact, Esther has reminded me almost eerily of Melodie in the past...like the phase when she took to addressing me as "Hon" (something Melodie has done for years), or started responding "Huh?" to comments that I knew she had heard perfectly well (another irritating habit of Melodie's--if you're not wise to her, you can end up repeating almost everything you say). Esther and Melodie are also very similar in their approach to other people (they love them!) and to food (any kind, any time!). When Esther first became part of our family I would occasionally refer to her as "Melodie" by mistake, and when I had the two of them together for a week I switched their names so often that it was embarrassing. (And catching--Melodie at one point protested, "I'm not Melodie, I'm Esther!") In the car on the way home from picking Melodie up at the airport, Melodie and Esther entertained each other for a long time exchanging epithets, with many giggles at their own and each other's cleverness. Melodie seemed to favor "bozo," "you silly goose" and "you little goofball," although my favorite of hers was "you little gumball." Esther got quite creative, addressing Melodie as "you big, heavy ghost," "you big Aunt Blankie" and "you gecko tunnel," among others. Tim said he thinks it is the first time he has heard anyone out-do Melodie in an exchange! (However, Melodie is still the champion as far as I'm concerned. My all-time favorites of hers--all intended as insults--are "you beckoning calf," "you wretched pea-vine," and "you excellent teacher"! I guess another thing Esther and Melodie have in common is a love of vocabulary!) Now that she has been introduced to the fun of name-calling, Esther seems to have no intention of calling it quits just because Aunt Melodie isn't around to play the game with her. I am getting rather tired of being addressed as "you nut" (borrowed from Melodie), although I don't mind quite as much being "you Nutcracker on ice" or "you polka-dot." This evening we had our pastor and his wife over for dinner, and Esther kept addressing the pastor as "you crazy nut!" Ack!!
Esther was really excited initially to have Aunt Melodie visiting, and was surprisingly tolerant of Melodie frequently swooping in to kiss her or pat her head, but by the end of the visit she had gotten tired of having her space invaded and was starting to whine and pull away when Melodie got too close. I think she also found it strange and intriguing that I would tell Melodie, an adult, what to do or not to do, and sometimes spoke to her in the same tone of voice that I use with Esther. Despite some minor discord, I think they both enjoyed being together.
The hardest part of the visit for me was that Melodie does not entertain herself. (I remember that as a child she didn't learn to play independently until she was about seven. I was in charge of watching her on Sunday afternoons while my parents napped, and those afternoons of having to constantly interact with her got so long! That experience was what initially decided me (at the tender age of 13 or so) that I didn't want to adopt a child unless I was married to a husband who could help care for them!) Melodie did eventually learn to play independently, but now she seems to have passed the age of being interested in "playing" or coloring or things that she can do on her own. So if there was no structured activity going on, she would follow me around, offer to help me with my current task, no matter how unsuitable (e.g. chopping vegetables with a sharp knife or putting Esther to bed), and talking. Mind you, conversation with Melodie is not like conversation with most other people. She has never quite mastered the art of narrating an event in such a way that her listener can picture what happened. It's not that she tells things inaccurately, but she doesn't have a sense for what details are necessary to include in order for her story to make sense. So asking her about her life gets bits and snatches of information, but it's kind of like looking at a mosaic with only half the pieces in place. I can only talk about the routines of my life for so long without boring even myself, and there's no use discussing thoughts and ideas because she's not an abstract thinker. So mostly, especially when I was trying to concentrate on something I was doing (like cooking dinner!) our conversations revolved around her favorite obsessions: the weather ("Is it snowing outside, hon?"--asked several times a day, despite the warm and sunshiny weather; "Does it flood a lot around here?") and her health ("Did I twist my ankle?"--said while walking normally; "Do I need a new prescription for my face?"; "I think the doctor [our father] is going to have to write me a prescription for that!") Melodie wanted in the worst way to help me cook, and I felt kind of bad that there weren't many things I felt safe letting her do. We did make cookies together one day, something we had often doen together when we were younger. Even then, though, one recipe came out so sticky and the other so crumbly that there ended up being fewer parts that she could do than I had envisioned.
Some of my mental snapshots of the week include: Melodie praising my cooking to the skies at every meal (including the one where I served hot-dogs), and putting away as much food as a teenager; Melodie constantly coming up behind me and putting her arm around my neck, or stroking my hair; Singing a few words to a song from a movie that we had loved as kids and that Esther now enjoys, and having Melodie join in, even though she hasn't seen that movie in years; Looking over at Melodie at the beginning of one meal to discover that she had filled her dinner-sized plate with potato chips and was placidly munching her way through them; Melodie responding to about every third comment of mine, no matter how mundane, with an enthusiastic "Good one!"; Melodie expressing her angst over having to wait longer than expected before boarding her plane by muttering, "Come on, people! This isn't a barn!"
Despite minor frustrations, it was good to be together for a week. I realized that some of the unsettledness that I've been feeling in my relationship with Melodie is because I haven't gotten the chance to learn how to relate to her as an adult. With my brother, we had one kind of relationship when we were kids, went through a period of flux when he was in high school and early college, and then built a different way of relating to each other as adults. I have been loving the relationship we have now--not only do I enjoy my brother, but I respect him as well, which is not something that would have occurred to me when we were kids :-) (I'm seven years older, so always had a superiority complex). But I haven't had the chance to make that same transition with Melodie She is no longer the small child that I felt much the same way about as I do now about Esther, but nor is she someone that I can talk about thoughts and ideas with. She still needs directing and instructing, and yet it feels wrong to treat her as a little girl. She is so proud of being an adult now, and the skills she has now are ones that she has worked hard to achieve and has reason to be proud of, and it feels like there should be some difference in our relationship to honor the ways in which she has grown.
Getting to know my sister all over again as an adult is going to be different than it was with my brother, but I feel like we made some progress during the week she was here. Maybe my favorite time of all was the hour and a half we spent at the airport together before she returned home to the sheltered community where she is now thriving. We didn't do anything fancy. We looked at a list of airport restaurants together and decided where she might like to eat dinner. We walked up and down the terminal and discussed what kinds of food our new son might have eaten and might like. It wasn't a particularly deep topic, but it was interesting to both of us, and each conversational turn held genuine sharing of information and ideas. Then we shared Chinese food, which Melodie enjoyed more thoroughly than most of us average adults bother to enjoy anything, and then we went to her gate.
I don't know when it will work out for her to come visit again, but I hope it will sometime...maybe when it's snowing!
However, in mid-March, my entire family--parents and brother from Oregon, sister from Arizona, and grandmother from Kentucky--converged on our house. It was the first time that all of them except for my grandma had visited us here, so we had fun showing off our new house and hometown and home state. Some of the local attractions that I had been looking forward to sharing with my family were, unfortunately, closed for the winter, and the trees didn't start blooming until the day after most people left, but they did manage to hit the most spring-like week of weather that we've had so far this year. We actually ate several meals outside, it was so warm. We visited a state park, toured the university where Tim teaches, ate good food (featuring lots of MEEEEEEEEEAT!, in honor of my brother), and generally hung out. Of course Esther got to be a star, which was quite to her taste.
My parents and brother were only able to stay for a few days, since they were sandwiching the trip in between my dad's return from his annual volunteer trip to Thailand and the date he had to return to work, as well as between my brother's last final exam and his need to start job-hunting for the upcoming spring and summer. But my sister and grandma were both able to stay for a week.
I wasn't quite sure what it was going to be like having my sister here for a week. Due to her developmental disabilities, she requires more energy than your average adult house guest. And frankly, it's been a long time since I've lived with her, so I wasn't sure how the experience might be the same or different from what I remember of spending summers at home when I was in college.
As it happened, being at home with both Esther and Melodie was a lot like having two three-year-olds in the family...except that one of them, when she jumped up and down with excitement, shook the whole house! Esther has much better fine and gross motor coordination, while Melodie has the edge in life experience, but other than that they're a lot alike. In fact, Esther has reminded me almost eerily of Melodie in the past...like the phase when she took to addressing me as "Hon" (something Melodie has done for years), or started responding "Huh?" to comments that I knew she had heard perfectly well (another irritating habit of Melodie's--if you're not wise to her, you can end up repeating almost everything you say). Esther and Melodie are also very similar in their approach to other people (they love them!) and to food (any kind, any time!). When Esther first became part of our family I would occasionally refer to her as "Melodie" by mistake, and when I had the two of them together for a week I switched their names so often that it was embarrassing. (And catching--Melodie at one point protested, "I'm not Melodie, I'm Esther!") In the car on the way home from picking Melodie up at the airport, Melodie and Esther entertained each other for a long time exchanging epithets, with many giggles at their own and each other's cleverness. Melodie seemed to favor "bozo," "you silly goose" and "you little goofball," although my favorite of hers was "you little gumball." Esther got quite creative, addressing Melodie as "you big, heavy ghost," "you big Aunt Blankie" and "you gecko tunnel," among others. Tim said he thinks it is the first time he has heard anyone out-do Melodie in an exchange! (However, Melodie is still the champion as far as I'm concerned. My all-time favorites of hers--all intended as insults--are "you beckoning calf," "you wretched pea-vine," and "you excellent teacher"! I guess another thing Esther and Melodie have in common is a love of vocabulary!) Now that she has been introduced to the fun of name-calling, Esther seems to have no intention of calling it quits just because Aunt Melodie isn't around to play the game with her. I am getting rather tired of being addressed as "you nut" (borrowed from Melodie), although I don't mind quite as much being "you Nutcracker on ice" or "you polka-dot." This evening we had our pastor and his wife over for dinner, and Esther kept addressing the pastor as "you crazy nut!" Ack!!
Esther was really excited initially to have Aunt Melodie visiting, and was surprisingly tolerant of Melodie frequently swooping in to kiss her or pat her head, but by the end of the visit she had gotten tired of having her space invaded and was starting to whine and pull away when Melodie got too close. I think she also found it strange and intriguing that I would tell Melodie, an adult, what to do or not to do, and sometimes spoke to her in the same tone of voice that I use with Esther. Despite some minor discord, I think they both enjoyed being together.
The hardest part of the visit for me was that Melodie does not entertain herself. (I remember that as a child she didn't learn to play independently until she was about seven. I was in charge of watching her on Sunday afternoons while my parents napped, and those afternoons of having to constantly interact with her got so long! That experience was what initially decided me (at the tender age of 13 or so) that I didn't want to adopt a child unless I was married to a husband who could help care for them!) Melodie did eventually learn to play independently, but now she seems to have passed the age of being interested in "playing" or coloring or things that she can do on her own. So if there was no structured activity going on, she would follow me around, offer to help me with my current task, no matter how unsuitable (e.g. chopping vegetables with a sharp knife or putting Esther to bed), and talking. Mind you, conversation with Melodie is not like conversation with most other people. She has never quite mastered the art of narrating an event in such a way that her listener can picture what happened. It's not that she tells things inaccurately, but she doesn't have a sense for what details are necessary to include in order for her story to make sense. So asking her about her life gets bits and snatches of information, but it's kind of like looking at a mosaic with only half the pieces in place. I can only talk about the routines of my life for so long without boring even myself, and there's no use discussing thoughts and ideas because she's not an abstract thinker. So mostly, especially when I was trying to concentrate on something I was doing (like cooking dinner!) our conversations revolved around her favorite obsessions: the weather ("Is it snowing outside, hon?"--asked several times a day, despite the warm and sunshiny weather; "Does it flood a lot around here?") and her health ("Did I twist my ankle?"--said while walking normally; "Do I need a new prescription for my face?"; "I think the doctor [our father] is going to have to write me a prescription for that!") Melodie wanted in the worst way to help me cook, and I felt kind of bad that there weren't many things I felt safe letting her do. We did make cookies together one day, something we had often doen together when we were younger. Even then, though, one recipe came out so sticky and the other so crumbly that there ended up being fewer parts that she could do than I had envisioned.
Some of my mental snapshots of the week include: Melodie praising my cooking to the skies at every meal (including the one where I served hot-dogs), and putting away as much food as a teenager; Melodie constantly coming up behind me and putting her arm around my neck, or stroking my hair; Singing a few words to a song from a movie that we had loved as kids and that Esther now enjoys, and having Melodie join in, even though she hasn't seen that movie in years; Looking over at Melodie at the beginning of one meal to discover that she had filled her dinner-sized plate with potato chips and was placidly munching her way through them; Melodie responding to about every third comment of mine, no matter how mundane, with an enthusiastic "Good one!"; Melodie expressing her angst over having to wait longer than expected before boarding her plane by muttering, "Come on, people! This isn't a barn!"
Despite minor frustrations, it was good to be together for a week. I realized that some of the unsettledness that I've been feeling in my relationship with Melodie is because I haven't gotten the chance to learn how to relate to her as an adult. With my brother, we had one kind of relationship when we were kids, went through a period of flux when he was in high school and early college, and then built a different way of relating to each other as adults. I have been loving the relationship we have now--not only do I enjoy my brother, but I respect him as well, which is not something that would have occurred to me when we were kids :-) (I'm seven years older, so always had a superiority complex). But I haven't had the chance to make that same transition with Melodie She is no longer the small child that I felt much the same way about as I do now about Esther, but nor is she someone that I can talk about thoughts and ideas with. She still needs directing and instructing, and yet it feels wrong to treat her as a little girl. She is so proud of being an adult now, and the skills she has now are ones that she has worked hard to achieve and has reason to be proud of, and it feels like there should be some difference in our relationship to honor the ways in which she has grown.
Getting to know my sister all over again as an adult is going to be different than it was with my brother, but I feel like we made some progress during the week she was here. Maybe my favorite time of all was the hour and a half we spent at the airport together before she returned home to the sheltered community where she is now thriving. We didn't do anything fancy. We looked at a list of airport restaurants together and decided where she might like to eat dinner. We walked up and down the terminal and discussed what kinds of food our new son might have eaten and might like. It wasn't a particularly deep topic, but it was interesting to both of us, and each conversational turn held genuine sharing of information and ideas. Then we shared Chinese food, which Melodie enjoyed more thoroughly than most of us average adults bother to enjoy anything, and then we went to her gate.
I don't know when it will work out for her to come visit again, but I hope it will sometime...maybe when it's snowing!
