We ended up having Sissy and Bubby for nearly eight hours longer than we expected. First a planned afternoon activity fell through, and then their family got delayed getting back into town. We found enough activities to fill the afternoon, and mostly had fun, but Daniel periodically came to me to complain that he had nothing to do and didn't feel like he could be himself with the other kids here, and Esther had a meltdown and had to spend some time in her room composing herself. Sissy said again that she wasn't going to want to leave our house...but she also shared that she had cried the night before because she missed her foster parents, and talked about how she was going to hug them when she saw them. Bubby was noticeably anxious as one scheduled departure time after another passed and their family still hadn't returned. When we finally got the phone call that they were almost here, he started openly rejoicing that it was time to leave, then realized how that could sound and hastened to explain that he is rather shy and had been anxious about staying with people he didn't know. We understood that, of course! So both they and we were very happy to return to our respective normals. I asked Esther this morning what percent she missed Sissy and she said, "Zero percent! I didn't like her. She was always getting into my stuff." Mind you, there was plenty of laughing going on (most of the time!) while Sissy was here and they were playing, and for someone who "didn't like" Sissy Esther sure sought out her company every minute of every day, but boy, I can picture the fireworks we would have if Sissy lived here long-term! This weekend really brought home to me what a strong personality Esther has...which is a good thing...but when she channels it into being competitive and territorial, it can set her up for some serious head-butting.
Some of my memories from the weekend:
Esther and Sissy played a wii game involving cute dogs which you can race against each other. They got really into it, and it was so cute to see them jumping up and down trying to get their dogs to win the race. Bubby also enjoyed our wii at times, mostly a racing game, during which he got quite animated and talked to the characters on the screen.
Despite the freezing weather, Esther and Sissy and I went out for walks both days the kids were here; on Sunday we were accompanied by Daniel and Bubby. My quintessential memory of Sissy is her marching along, head back, hood falling off, and eyes sparkling, just enjoying being outside. Such a spunky little girl!
I will also remember Bubby carefully working a twelve-piece wooden puzzle that Esther outgrew a year ago, and being quite pleased with himself when he completed it. After he had done all of her twelve-piece ones he moved on to 24 pieces, which took him a little thought, but also brought a sense of accomplishment when he was finished. I always love seeing a child engrossed in new experiences that stretch their brain, but it was a reality check that an American almost-teenager could have grown up this far without (apparently) ever having worked a puzzle.
Daniel has been talking mournfully about how short his Christmas vacation was and how we didn't do anything fun. (His idea of fun is going out somewhere, and given that the weather has been cold and wet/snowy and that there is nothing much to do indoors around here but shop...we have mostly stuck around home.) So today we tried to send vacation out with a bang and make up some of the stress of the weekend to our kids by doing special things with them. Tim took Esther on a "Daddy date" to see Monsters, Inc. on the big screen. She has watched the video numerous times, but this was her very first time seeing a movie in a theater, unless you count a disastrous trip to IMAX a few years ago with my family where she had to be taken out crying after five minutes because the volume of the soundtrack scared her. This time she had fun! She said that it was loud, but she didn't need to cover her ears. Daniel decided that for his special treat he wanted to ride the bus to the mall. Our local bus system is pretty pitiful, but the walking route to get to the nearest bus stop is safe, if not close (it takes about twenty minutes to get there, if one walks briskly), and the mall is a reasonably interesting destination. I had never ridden the bus before either, so we both enjoyed our little adventure. I don't see any reason why Daniel couldn't make the trip by himself, now that he has done it once and seen how it works. And he is very pleased at the prospect of so much independence, though I doubt he'll actually want to do it often. After we got back, Tim took Daniel out to Dairy Queen (they brought back some for Esther and me to share).
And now we get to gear up for the return to school...
Happy New Year, everyone!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Four kids sleeping (I hope!)
As you can probably tell, the previous post is a guest post by Daniel. :-) I was just getting ready to write this post when he wandered in and started inspecting my blog, so I invited him to write in it.
We had a couple of extra kids for the weekend. Since they aren't ours, I'll call them Bubby and Sissy. (For those of you who aren't familiar with this-here part of the country, that's "brother" and "sister." Bubby is a couple years younger than Daniel, and Sissy a couple years older than Esther. It's our second time doing respite since Daniel has been in the family, and the first with "older" kids. It's gone pretty well.
I know Sissy has had a good time. She and Esther did art most of the day today, with breaks to jump on the trampoline, play the wii, and take a walk outside. Esther had not wanted her to come at first, and did have some trouble sharing her stuff and sharing control of their play, but I'm pretty sure she enjoyed having somebody to play with. I was worried at times that Esther would overwhelm Sissy with her attention: she followed her everywhere she went, called her until she came, and generally focused on her with a laserlike intensity. A few times I think Sissy wanted to get away, but on the other hand I think Esther was largely responsible for drawing her out of her initial shell and setting her up to have a good time. Esther pretty much ignored Bubby, but I suspect that if he had come by himself she would have been nearly as fixated on him as she was on Sissy. Thanks at least in part to Esther's persistence, Sissy warmed up to us fairly quickly. At one point on our first evening together she ran into the other room to ask her brother, "Bubby, are you still feeling shy?" He said no, and she announced, "I'm not feeling shy anymore either!" Made me smile. And apparently it was a big deal to her that I let her help in the kitchen and didn't care if the (washable) fingerpaints got messy. At one point she said, "I don't think I'm ever going to want to leave this place!" I'm taking that with a grain of salt, of course, but I do think she felt safe and had fun.
Bubby was interested in talking sooner after arrival than Sissy, and he is good at small talk, but he never came very far out of his shell. He brought some electronic games with him and we let him play them for more time than we would have under less temporary circumstances. When we told him they had to go up for a while he complied, then sat around staring into space. He did join Tim (and Daniel) for a science project and a game of pool, but didn't seem to have any ideas of his own for what to do. He declined art projects and helping me cook dinner. He did play some with Esther and Sissy this evening, although I think it was Sissy who initiated it and decided what to do. Bubby also wasn't as proactive as Sissy about communicating his needs; for example, I only found out that he was too cold the first night he slept here because I asked. (But at least he answered my question honestly!) Daniel had hoped to find in Bubby a kindred, electricity-loving spirit, but wasn't able to make much of a connection. So he was disappointed and bored the whole weekend, feeling like he couldn't be himself with strangers in the house, but didn't have the compensation of enjoying the strangers' company. We were proud of him for figuring out his own way of coping. He made a couple trips downtown (walking) to go shopping, spent some time at a friend's house, and worked on a project. And he showed pretty good sense about what of his normal interactions with us (especially me) were appropriate in front of someone we don't know well, and which were not.
Both kids were well-mannered and compliant, and with Tim being off work right now and us having several days' notice to get ready, we were able to clear our schedules and orient the weekend around keeping them comfortable and (as much as they chose) engaged in positive activities. So it was kind of "honeymoon-y," not at all like it would be if they actually lived with us. Despite their good behavior, it took a lot of energy to be attentive to four children instead of two. I won't be sorry to go back to normal when they leave tomorrow afternoon, but I'm glad we're able to provide a safe, caring place for kids under stress, and a break for caregivers who need to get out of town without worrying about their charges. And I think we learned some things about our kids as well. We just need to figure out how to apply the lessons!
We had a couple of extra kids for the weekend. Since they aren't ours, I'll call them Bubby and Sissy. (For those of you who aren't familiar with this-here part of the country, that's "brother" and "sister." Bubby is a couple years younger than Daniel, and Sissy a couple years older than Esther. It's our second time doing respite since Daniel has been in the family, and the first with "older" kids. It's gone pretty well.
I know Sissy has had a good time. She and Esther did art most of the day today, with breaks to jump on the trampoline, play the wii, and take a walk outside. Esther had not wanted her to come at first, and did have some trouble sharing her stuff and sharing control of their play, but I'm pretty sure she enjoyed having somebody to play with. I was worried at times that Esther would overwhelm Sissy with her attention: she followed her everywhere she went, called her until she came, and generally focused on her with a laserlike intensity. A few times I think Sissy wanted to get away, but on the other hand I think Esther was largely responsible for drawing her out of her initial shell and setting her up to have a good time. Esther pretty much ignored Bubby, but I suspect that if he had come by himself she would have been nearly as fixated on him as she was on Sissy. Thanks at least in part to Esther's persistence, Sissy warmed up to us fairly quickly. At one point on our first evening together she ran into the other room to ask her brother, "Bubby, are you still feeling shy?" He said no, and she announced, "I'm not feeling shy anymore either!" Made me smile. And apparently it was a big deal to her that I let her help in the kitchen and didn't care if the (washable) fingerpaints got messy. At one point she said, "I don't think I'm ever going to want to leave this place!" I'm taking that with a grain of salt, of course, but I do think she felt safe and had fun.
Bubby was interested in talking sooner after arrival than Sissy, and he is good at small talk, but he never came very far out of his shell. He brought some electronic games with him and we let him play them for more time than we would have under less temporary circumstances. When we told him they had to go up for a while he complied, then sat around staring into space. He did join Tim (and Daniel) for a science project and a game of pool, but didn't seem to have any ideas of his own for what to do. He declined art projects and helping me cook dinner. He did play some with Esther and Sissy this evening, although I think it was Sissy who initiated it and decided what to do. Bubby also wasn't as proactive as Sissy about communicating his needs; for example, I only found out that he was too cold the first night he slept here because I asked. (But at least he answered my question honestly!) Daniel had hoped to find in Bubby a kindred, electricity-loving spirit, but wasn't able to make much of a connection. So he was disappointed and bored the whole weekend, feeling like he couldn't be himself with strangers in the house, but didn't have the compensation of enjoying the strangers' company. We were proud of him for figuring out his own way of coping. He made a couple trips downtown (walking) to go shopping, spent some time at a friend's house, and worked on a project. And he showed pretty good sense about what of his normal interactions with us (especially me) were appropriate in front of someone we don't know well, and which were not.
Both kids were well-mannered and compliant, and with Tim being off work right now and us having several days' notice to get ready, we were able to clear our schedules and orient the weekend around keeping them comfortable and (as much as they chose) engaged in positive activities. So it was kind of "honeymoon-y," not at all like it would be if they actually lived with us. Despite their good behavior, it took a lot of energy to be attentive to four children instead of two. I won't be sorry to go back to normal when they leave tomorrow afternoon, but I'm glad we're able to provide a safe, caring place for kids under stress, and a break for caregivers who need to get out of town without worrying about their charges. And I think we learned some things about our kids as well. We just need to figure out how to apply the lessons!