Starring Esther

Yikes, I cannot believe how long it's been since I posted!  It's just hard to find time to sit down and write, I guess.  I can't do it during the school day because I'm teaching Esther; someone always seems to need me in the afternoon; and by evening I just don't feel like writing!  But of course we've been doing interesting things and I have some fun pictures I want to share.

Daniel getting his school pictures back reminded me that I wanted to do a school picture of Esther this year.  So I enlisted Daniel as photographer.  With the help of an aluminum-foil-covered pizza box to disperse the flash attractively, and a sheet hung up as a backdrop, we got almost professional results.  (Maybe I should have ironed the sheet first!)  The following three pictures are some of my favorites.  As you can see, she is growing her hair long and growing her bangs out.  This is the first year she has tolerated anything being in her hair for any length of time; before this she would ask for a ponytail or occasionally a barrette, but couldn't leave them alone for more than a few minutes.

 

Esther was a panda for Halloween.  She has been following the baby panda at the National Zoo via panda cam, and is a huge fan of all things panda at the moment.  And I think that creating a costume is half the fun of wearing one!  This ended up costing me about the same as if I had bought one, but it was cute and most of the pieces are just regular items of clothing that she can (and is) wearing for fall warmth.  I thought it turned out cute!

Esther is continuing to lose her baby teeth.  But they don't want to be lost.  One of her front top teeth stuck out at an angle for literally weeks, with the new permanent tooth coming in behind it.  People kept telling us that it was just hanging on by a thread...but that must have been one mighty strong thread!  And she wouldn't let us pull it, or try to pull it herself.  It FINALLY popped out (along with the one next to it, which was also loose) when she was playing chase with a little boy we were doing respite care for and decided to dive over the back of the couch head-first (from back to front, not front to back).  So she came running into the kitchen crying and dripping a pool of blood on the floor, while I tried to figure out what was my first priority--find the teeth? check for other injuries? protect her clothes from bloodstains?  Anyway, she survived, and got extra quarters under her pillow to compensate for the pain and suffering.  This is not the best picture I have of her gap, but it's the only one I can find right now.  You can see how far in her one permanent tooth got before the baby tooth was knocked out.

And this is a robin Esther drew during our study of animals, using instructions from a book called Draw! Write! Now!

In random news...

You know you belong to a country church when the menu for the all-church cook-out includes weenies (aka hotdogs) and bear meat.  It was my first time tasting bear meat, and it was good!

Esther has been into similes lately, with startling results.  One day she snuggled into her blankie and announced, "I'm as comfortable as a radish!"  Possibly she takes after her Aunt Melodie, who proclaimed one morning recently that she had "slept like a tuna casserole."  I passed on that piece of news to Esther, wondering if her own penchant for unusual comparisons would give her insight into what it meant to sleep like a tuna casserole.  First Esther asked what a tuna casserole is.  After I told her she responded, "Wow, she slept cozy then!"

One day as I was working in my kitchen the side of my foot started to feel a bit sore.  It was almost as if I had a splinter, but I had only been inside.  After a while the feeling hadn't gone away, so I sat down to look at it.  After a close inspection, I discovered I had one of Daniel's hairs embedded in my skin!  I had given him a haircut the night before, and apparently those cut edges were sharp!  It was in there tight, too--it took me several good tugs to finally get it out.  A hair splinter, who knew?

Speaking of Daniel, He Who Must Be In The Middle of Everything has been expanding his responsibilities at church.  First he discovered that each time an offering is taken up, a couple of volunteers count the money and fill out some paperwork preparatory to taking it to the bank.  So he started accompanying them in this task at every opportunity--which came in handy when I found myself responsible for recording the offering taken up during our small group time and had no idea how to do it!  I suppose it was a natural next step one Wednesday night service for him to leap up and skip forward, arms waving, when the pastor requested ushers to come take up the offering.  He is now volunteering himself for usher duty probably a little too often, so we have pointed out to him that other people should have a turn too.  But, I am very, very proud of him that on the two occasions that our pastor asked him to pray for the offering, he did so willingly and appropriately.  I'm also grateful for an open-hearted church that truly loves and accepts both of our kids!

Last week Esther and I were studying the difference between annual and perennial plants.  She had already brainstormed several examples of annual plants, which she knew were annual because we have planted them from seeds several years in a row.  Next, I asked her if she could think of anything that was perennial--"the kind that comes back every year."  She promptly replied, "Geese!"

I'm sure other interesting things have happened lately, but that gives you some snapshots of the tone of our family life.  Meanwhile, I'm off to bed.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll sleep like a tuna casserole.

Guess who we got to see!!

Friday night, as I was getting ready to do some weekend respite care for a toddler, I got a call from a number with no name attached to it.  It was a local area code, so I picked it up.  It turned out to be one of the workers who transports Princess to and from her Daddy visits.  She said, "You're supposed to get to see Princess this weekend, what time do you want her?"  My jaw just about hit the floor.  I had known that Princess had been asking to see us and that her social worker wanted to work that out, but this was the first I had heard of arrangements actually being made.  So we made plans for her to come by for two hours on Saturday morning, before we got the little girl we were doing respite for.

Princess seems to be doing great!  She was shy at first, but quickly warmed up.  What surprised me most was how she talked.  When she lived with us she always had several characteristic goofy phrases that she would use frequently with uproarious laughter.  Things like telling everybody (even strangers!), "You're awkward!" or responding to a surprise with, "I'm gonna bust my head open!"  We had all been discussing what we expected her to say when she saw us, but to our surprise she didn't say any of her trademark phrases.  (At least, except for telling me to "Come on, old granny!"...)  And while of course she ran around and was loud and wanted me to pick her up to hug her, she didn't have a meltdown when Esther sat in my lap.  It's hard to tell from just two hours, but to me, she seems more settled than she was when she lived with us.  That's what I would hope for, now that she is back with her mom and doesn't have all that uncertainty hanging over her head about who she's going to be with when and whether she might get separated forever from someone she loves.  It's what I was picturing for her...but it was SO nice to actually see that in her!  I'm still rejoicing.  :-)  I was also pleased how happy Esther was to see her.  After the kids left, Esther spent the better part of the first month talking about how much she missed Little Guy (not to mention ACTING like Little Guy...I got SO tired of listening to baby talk!) and talking about how glad she was that Princess was gone.  Obviously, having a child "sharing" her position in the family was stressful for her!  But I suspected she missed her "sissy" and playmate too, and was happy that, while initially disappointed that Little Guy wasn't coming too, Esther looked forward to the visit and had a great time playing while Princess was here.  Poor Esther--she lives to play pretend, and Mommy is just not into it!  I found it interesting that one of the things they played was that they were "twin sisters forever."  And of course they took care of lots of babies.  That usually works its way into their play somewhere.  :-)  Princess mentioned that Little Guy misses Daniel a lot and talks about him.  And she has started kindergarten, but wasn't interested in talking about it. 

Apparently we are supposed to get more visits in the future.  :-)  I don't know when they'll be, but I'm sure when we get the call we'll find a way to make time.

And then Princess left and we had an hour and a half to finish babyproofing the house before our 14-month-old arrived.  She was cute, but kind of cranky.  The fact that she's cutting her first molar probably had a lot to do with that.  She woke up very unhappy only an hour after I had gotten her to bed, but (somewhat to my surprise) she then made it through the rest of the night and was in a better mood this morning.  Daniel was not a great fan of hers, as he is very sensitive to crying.  I think it brings back bad memories for him.  Esther tended to be very controlling of Baby Girl's play, and I had to keep telling her that babies don't WANT to be picked up and moved when they're enjoying investigating something...but she (Esther) had a great time.  She told me this morning that if we have our own baby girl she wants us to name it the same name as this baby (she already has said, more than once, that if we have a baby boy in the future we should give it Little Guy's name).  And she told me on the way home from church that it's hard when you have a baby and you like the baby but they have to leave after a short time.  I think she has decided now that she likes girls as well as boys.  :-)  After Little Guy left she was determined that she only wanted a baby brother.

So it's been a busy weekend, but good.

Daniel's vision, from behind a lens

Daniel started using our camera while we were still in China.  This is one of many pictures of clouds that he took out of the plane window between Jinan and Guangzhou.

We quickly discovered that he had definite opinions about camera angles and how people should pose, many of them quite creative.

He had had some informal training by watching a mentor figure at his orphanage who is proficient in a number of arts, including photography.  But much of the success of Daniel's photographs is due to his own ability to see pleasing compositions and striking angles of light, and to capture them in a frame.

For Daniel's birthday this year, we paid half the cost of a new camera.  It is a Sony "megazoom," which is one step down from a DSLR, but it leaves my old point-and-shoot in the dust.  It has a 30x optical zoom, and both the color and detail in the pictures are amazing!

As an added bonus, Daniel can use the zoom and LCD screen to examine things that his eyes can't see unaided, like a distant bird or the details of a Daddy-long-legs spider we caught while camping.

So he has been getting a lot of mileage out of his camera this summer!  He has taken some gorgeous portraits, which I won't post on here.  But I feel no such compunction about his nature photography.

So without further ado, enjoy Daniel's vision!  All the pictures in this post, except for the first, have been taken by Daniel since June 20 using his new camera.  Most are self-explanatory, but I've added notes to a couple.

Clouds through ice

close-up of a lamp

school update

Esther is still doing well.  I'm reasonably happy with our curriculum, our routine, the pace at which we're moving, and my method of record-keeping.  I'm not so happy yet with my own time management; I am going to have to work on finding ways for Esther to do some work independently so I can do some of my work independently!  But on the whole, I'm pleased.  Some random thoughts:

I wonder how much of Esther's tiredness last school year was due to...well...tiredness!  We are putting her to bed at the same time this year, and she is getting up about 45 minutes later than she did last school year, which makes me wonder if she was sleep-deprived all last year.  If she returns to "regular school" next year, we will have to look into moving her bedtime earlier!  Unfortunately, that won't work on some nights of the week due to activities...like Wednesday night church.  At any rate, whether it's due to her getting more sleep or having a less regimented day, we have not seen any loss of energy this year.  She is in a two-hour gymnastics class this year and LOVING it--she tried out for a three-hour team class and enjoyed it thoroughly, but her coach thought it best for her to wait until the summer to transition to that class.  Right now they are training her on Level 2 artistic gymnastics routines, which she will be able to perform at a competition hosted by our gym in December.

We are taking full advantage of our local library.  Right now I have both my card and Esther's card nearly maxed out, and I just wrote down a list of additional books that I may want to get for this week!  We're currently studying the kingdoms of living things, with the help of books like a biography of Louis Pasteur (related to bacteria), an explanation of ocean food chains (related to phytoplankton), and photos taken with a microscope (so far, most useful in our study of fungi).  I have learned some things, too!  Did you know that coral has no color of its own, but derives its color from algae which have a symbiotic relationship with coral polyps?  I did not know that--although Esther informed me that she had already learned it from Wild Kratts!  That is her favorite show on PBS Kids and she has learned an amazing amount of biology from it.  Besides our local library, I have been relying a lot on Youtube as a source of information.  Of course I have to preview the videos for accuracy and age-appropriateness, but we found some awesome animations of bacterial reproduction and the life cycle of malaria parasites, as well as a really nice tutorial on how to compost, several videos (not animations) of ameobas ingesting things, and a time-lapse video of mushroom growth.  Can you tell I'm having fun??

I have, however, discovered that I'm putting pressure on myself (and therefore Esther) to move along at a predetermined pace.  I guess I'm worried that if we don't get a lot accomplished upfront, something might slow us down later and keep Esther from learning all that she's "supposed" to this year.  And it doesn't help that I don't have a firm grasp on what she's "supposed" to accomplish in any area but math!  I think we'll be fine...but I realized, when a cement truck pulled into our neighbor's driveway in perfect view of our schoolroom window this morning, interrupting our math session, and my first reaction was frustration at the prospect of missed school time rather than excitement at the opportunity to observe a cool machine up close...that my attitude toward "teachable moments" is not quite what it was when the only thing being interrupted was housework.  I adjusted my attitude as best I could and we watched the truck for a while.  Of course, I might have been more excited about the opportunity if we weren't coming off of a week of having math interrupted by a backhoe working on the same project, or if I didn't know that the cement truck will probably come back every day this week to finish what it started today.  I just might be relocating math class...

Meanwhile, Daniel's school has been a roller coaster.  He continues to love choir and seems to be doing well in his compensatory skills class with his vision teacher.  He now likes his gym teacher and is mostly enjoying that class.  He has had issues with the person who stands in line next to him (they are assigned places in line) talking trash to him; he told me that it bothered him at first but now he just ignores it.  I could ask the teacher to move him, but sometimes learning to deal with obnoxious people is just life, and I think he's handling it pretty well.  His math teacher finally came back today.  He still doesn't have the magnification device that would let him see what is happening on the board.  His vision teacher ordered it in plenty of time, but someone in the county is being slow about getting the device to him.  His vision teacher is extremely frustrated.  She pointed out to me that the county is currently out of compliance with his IEP, because his IEP states that he is to use this device, and it hasn't been given to him yet.  So I could probably raise a stink about it, but they are supposed to get it to him soon and then hopefully it won't be an issue again for the rest of high school (because he should be using the same devices throughout).  He told my grandmother today that he can do about 70% of his math if a teacher is available for him to talk to as needed.  That is just plain amazing considering that two years ago he was doing single-digit addition and subtraction, was hazy on multiplication, and knew that he had seen division before but couldn't remember how to do it.  As for English--OY!  First he had a string of subs, each less capable than the last of figuring out what to do with him.  One sub asked another student--with Daniel sitting right there--what Daniel was supposed to be doing, as if Daniel couldn't communicate for himself.  Another disciplined him for being disruptive by making him stay in the classroom and put his head down while the other students went to the library.  So I had a meeting with the vice-principle (the same one who helped us get everything lined up before school started), and she was as unhappy as I was with how things were going.  At that point Daniel was on the verge of getting one long-term sub for the duration of his teacher's maternity leave (and possibly until the end of the semester, if she takes sick days as well).  So we decided to leave him in that class.  Since the new sub started no miracles have happened, but no disasters either.  Today he got the laptop that he will be using for the next four years and she let him use it to access educational sites in class.  She didn't tell him what to access, so he ended up on PBS Kids with the sound off (since he doesn't have earbuds yet) and didn't get anything out of it, but hopefully she will come up with a plan for him over time.  Meanwhile, we had our LEP (Limited English Proficiency) meeting for the year.  We established that Daniel will NOT be pulled out of math (right now he is getting pulled out of gym), and Daniel's ESL teacher is looking into a particular curriculum that both Daniel and I feel will be more helpful for him learning to read than what they have been using.  So...maybe some progress!  At least he is coming home less frustrated than he was the first couple of weeks.

Back to School

So, we have been back in school for a week now.  I'm not quite sure where the summer went!  It felt like it started late, what with Tim teaching a summer class and the whirlwind of getting Little Guy and Princess ready to move back home.  And it ended earlier than usual, due to a change in the school calendar.  So we didn't get to do everything we had thought of doing, but we did pack our days full of fun summer activities.  We went camping twice (not counting a youth group camping trip which Daniel attended and I chaperoned), and Daniel liked it this time!  I don't think we'll ever make an outdoors lover out of him, but since he can't enjoy hiking with the rest of us due to his vision, it would be really nice if he learned to love camping like the rest of us do!  And I think we made good progress in that this summer.  :-)  So far Daniel's favorite thing about camping is playing with fire, and his least favorite is picking out a campsite.  We also managed two visits to my grandmother; Daniel got a great new camera for his birthday and appointed himself official photographer of all events in which he participates; Esther participated in the library summer reading program and gymnastics camp and had a friend over for a sleepover; Tim and Daniel got new bikes; and Daniel learned to ride!  I am hoping I can get a bike next summer and we can do family bike rides on some of the many rails to trails in our area.  We also did summer home school.  Esther, I felt, needed some extra work on naming two-digit numbers and reading.  Daniel not only needed to go back and learn some math concepts that he skipped entirely when moving from approximately second grade in China to seventh grade in the U.S., but he needs the structure.  He does not do well with entertaining himself unless he has a technical project, and there are only so many old computers that he can dismantle at one time.  So while I heard lots of complaints about how unfair it was that he had to study when his classmates were only playing, I'm pretty confident he would have been even less happy with a whole summer of free time.

But, now we are back in school routine.  Daniel is in ninth grade, his first year at the high school.  Esther is in first grade, her first year being homeschooled.  And I am in my first year of teaching homeschool!  So all three of us are assimilating new experiences.

Daniel's first day of school

Daniel's school has worked very hard to accommodate him.  I have to say, it is empowering to be in an IEP meeting and have one of the main players say to me, "But what do you want to do?  You're the parent."  And truly, we had such a great team of people this year that worked very hard to get Daniel off to a great start.  The results...have been a mixed bag so far.  First, the good stuff!  Daniel's WONDERFUL vision teacher, who has done so much for him from the time he entered this school system, planned to teach him one-on-one for the first ninety minutes of every day, all four years of high school.  She is covering life skills topics (like how to apply for a job and manage money) that she is required to cover in some form with all of her visually-impaired students, as well as working as a bridge between Daniel and his other teachers to help him be successful in his regular classes and learn how to use adaptive devices in his classes.  In addition, she is working with him on some basic academic skills that he missed out on when his classmates were learning them years ago, everything from being responsible for keeping track of his own homework assignments to practicing writing and listening skills in English.  I have no idea what she had to juggle or give up to make that time commitment to Daniel, but we are very, very blessed to have her in his corner.  Then there is Daniel's choir teacher.  Daniel desperately wanted to take choir as an elective this year, and we were distressed to find out that the only times it was offered were during blocks that Daniel already had classes that we weren't willing to give up.  I should back up here and explain that Daniel's high school schedules their classes in "blocks" rather than in "periods" like the middle school.  So he has four classes per semester, each of which is taught for ninety minutes every day.  Most classes are only one semester long; so, for example, Daniel is taking PE and English for third and fourth block this semester, but will have science and social studies next semester.  So anyway, 9th grade choir was only offered first or second block.  First block was already taken by Daniel's vision teacher, and we weren't about to give that opportunity up!  And second block was an inclusion math class (that is, a regular ed class but with a second teacher to give extra help to those students with IEPs) which was taught by a team of teachers who we had been assured were the Rolls Royce of math teachers in our county.  We were very pleased with Daniel's placement in that particular class and weren't willing to give it up, either.  So we were brainstorming how to get him into choir, but not too optimistic that it could be worked out.  But!  First a vice principal came up with an intriguing idea that was way more than I expected anyone to do to accommodate just one student...and then we didn't even need to use her idea because the choir teacher, having been personally informed of Daniel by his middle school choir teacher, came to the administration saying that he really wanted Daniel in his class, and would it be possible for Daniel to come half a block during first period each semester so that he could work with him!  After checking into the implications for the IEP, Daniel's vision teacher agreed that this arrangement would be good for Daniel.  So first block is a rousing success.  Daniel is, I know from experience, getting knowledgeable and effective help from his vision teacher, and he LOVES his choir teacher.  This man is obviously very professional and very good at what he does, and he seems to have that magic quality of holding his students to high standards without having to threaten or yell.  (Daniel does not. do. well. at. all. with threats or yelling.)  The Rolls Royce math class seems to be going well, too.  At any rate, I heard no complaints for most of the first week, and the homework Daniel was bringing home, while looooong and requiring much effort on his part, drew on abilities which were within his reach.  (And I was SO glad we worked so much on algebra this summer!)  The last few days Daniel's teacher has been in the hospital, so he has had a substitute...and the other teacher yelled at him to leave the classroom to put his adaptive device safely away before the bell rang, making him feel criticized and requiring him to leave a test before he had the chance to finish...and his ESL teacher pulled him out of math one day so he didn't know how to do the homework because he wasn't there for the teaching.  We're hoping all that will iron itself out sooner rather than later.  It would be nice for him to have one academic class where he feels like he can hold his own, and this seems to be a golden opportunity.  Third block...PE.  The first day went fine.  The second day they went outside and he crossed a road before the teacher instructed the class to do so (at another student's suggestion) and she yelled at him.  Did I mention that he doesn't like being yelled at?  I think he might finally have forgiven her, since he hasn't brought it up in a few days.  He has a friend in the class, but also a tenth-grader who tried to teach him bad words when they were in the same school two years ago and is now at it again.  So I'm not sure yet how PE will turn out, but it least it doesn't have any homework to compete with his math.  And then there's English class.  We took the opportunity to put Daniel in a self-contained classroom (one with just a few students who all have learning difficulties).  He needs someone to teach him to read, and an instructor in a large classroom at the high school level isn't going to be able to do it.  Unfortunately, it's not looking promising for this special classroom either.  I don't know if the teacher is discombobulated or what...the county is consolidating positions, and apparently a number of teachers found out shortly before school started that they would be teaching classes that they weren't expecting.  But anyway, the first few days Daniel was the only student in the class and from what he says she didn't do anything in particular with him.  So he was already getting antsy, complaining that she was disorganized and failing to do her job.  (I'm not sure he appreciates just what a challenge a functionally illiterate--but very intelligent--ninth-grader poses to a teacher who has only ever taught native English speakers that grew up in the school system!)  Then the school reorganized classes and gave her seven students.  She had the students read materials of various difficulties out loud in order to find their level.  Daniel is (not surprisingly) the lowest level student in the class, and when she reached a level of challenge that he felt was pointless for him to attempt, he refused to read.  She said, "Fine," but then refused to let him go on the computer instead, telling him that if he wasn't going to read out loud like the rest of the class then he would have to do nothing.  So the last few days, according to Daniel, he has spent his class time either napping or "annoying the teacher, trying to get her attention."  Today his policy of annoyance progressed to the point that the second math teacher was called in to talk with him.  The assistant principal also came to the class and talked to several of the students.  I don't know if that had anything to do with Daniel, but he requested a private conference with her and unburdened himself to her, after which "my heart feels more peaceful."  Daniel has requested both his assigned teacher and the principal to move him to another class.  I don't know if that will happen, or if it would be a good thing if it did happen.  Surely, given enough time, she could figure out how to teach him...but the other wrinkle to this saga is that she is eight months pregnant and he will have a long-term sub part of the semester!  So right now I'm feeling pretty discouraged about Daniel's chances of learning to read this school year.  His other chance at instruction is his ESL teacher, but this is the same teacher he's had for two years and I haven't been all that impressed with his progress.  Daniel was actually supposed to have a different teacher this year, which we were kind of looking forward to, but then there were too many ESL students at the high school for the regular teacher to take and so the teacher who handles all the other schools was asked to take a high school student (or maybe several), and he chose Daniel.  He certainly cares about Daniel and is committed to him, but I'm not sure it has been the best match in terms of Daniel's learning.  On the other hand, Daniel largely refuses to tell me what he does in ESL class, so I can't say for sure that there aren't good things going on.  What I can say is that I'd rather give up ESL services entirely than have Daniel pulled out of math...but hopefully it won't come to that.  So there are some good things and some stressful things going on in this transition. 

Esther's first day of school

Meanwhile, Esther and I are finding our rhythm with homeschool.  I'm feeling good about the amount and quality of work that we are accomplishing each day, and I love that we can intersperse hard thinking tasks with outdoor recess or chores or just plain hopping around the living room a few times on the hopper ball.  Esther had a good experience in school last year but it took a lot out of her, and I think a lot of what was so tiring was having to focus and behave appropriately for the setting for so long at a stretch.  She had a good teacher who found ways for them to be physically active in their learning, but she still came home tired out.  Meanwhile, we had one day this summer where she attended gymnastics camp for five hours, went immediately from that to library story hour, came home and rode her bike with Daddy, then scarfed down dinner and headed back to the gym for a two-hour class...and she was still chipper and bouncy!  Not at all like the tired Esther who decided to drop out of gymnastics last year because it was too much to do on top of school.  So it's nice to have the opportunity to keep her home and structure school in a way that works with her personality.  Despite all my warnings that homeschool meant a full day of school, not just a couple of hours like we do in the summer, the first couple of days were challenging.  We had plenty of good times both days, but also some whining and one meltdown.  Since then, school has gone well.  Right now I've got it structured so that I'm sitting down with her for every subject, which is fun for both of us but not conducive to me getting other things done (like writing blogs!).  I think I'll just live with the current structure for a few months, but once she is a little better at reading I would like to add a time for her to read to herself.  Meanwhile, I am able to get a little preparation and record-keeping done while she is working in her math workbook.

So, it's a year of big changes and good possibilities.  We shall see what happens!

saying good-bye

We said good-bye to our foster kids a week ago.  They left smiling.  Princess was excited to be finally going to live with Mommy, after months of visits and schedule changes and worrying that something might go wrong and she would never see her mommy or her brother again.  Little Guy was happy to be seeing Mommy, and also looking forward to playing with "Ee GItah!" (Sissy's guitar, a favorite toy that had been sent with them on an earlier mommy visit).  Plus Little Guy is pretty much happy to "Go!" anywhere.  :-)  We hugged the kids good-bye and waved them off, then when the car was out of sight Esther and I started crying.  (Later she drew a picture of her and me with sad faces and Little Guy with a big smile, along with the caption "I mis Little Guy.")  Daniel had done his grieving the night before, after the younger kids were in bed. 

Now that it's been a week, Tim and I are still praying for the kids and thinking of them, but not missing them too much.  We knew from the get-go that they weren't supposed to be with us permanently and we hadn't mentally planned a future with them, so that is making it easier now to move on and enjoy all the things we can do with two children that would have been daunting with four.  Of course we have missed them at unexpected moments.  I walked past Little Guy's bedroom one night and did a double-take that it was empty.  Tim brought home a bagful of green balloons--Princess's favorite color--and I was sorry that she wasn't here to enjoy them with us. 

Esther and Daniel have both been somewhat irritable and clingy this past week.  Esther talks a lot about Little Guy, what he would be doing or saying if he were here, and how she misses him.  She also has been talking baby-talk and wanting to be carried.  She hadn't talked much about Princess until last night except to rejoice that Princess is no longer here to compete with her.  But last night when we went to a fireworks show she mentioned several times how much Princess would enjoy the fireworks and that she wished she were here, and she told an acquaintance that "if my other sister were here" she would do such-and-so.  (Yes, they called each other sisters the last few months!  And the kids really were part of the family, except for everyone knowing it was temporary.)   Daniel hasn't talked about the kids much except to point out how good it is that we can go shopping as a family without chaos...or not have as much noise in the house...or not have as many meltdowns (Princess treated us to some doozies the last couple weeks...as did Esther, for that matter!).  But I'm sure he misses them too, especially Little Guy, whom he loves dearly.  Both kids have asked us to adopt a toddler next time than we don't have to give back.  And hard as it was to see Daniel hurting on that one night when he did grieve outwardly, I am thankful to be raising a young man who is willing and able to attach to a little child who can do little for him and has no inherent claim on him.

We are truly happy for the kids and their family the way things worked out.  Both kids will stay together and be mostly parented by their mom, who seems to be the parent they are most strongly bonded with.  Both will have other family members involved in their lives long-term, which is also a good thing.  Not everything is sunshine and roses, but I'm hopeful that this really is the best possible scenario for them. 

As for us, fostering was harder in some ways than we had imagined, and better in some ways than we had imagined.  I really was stretched too thin for those five months.  I was not able to help Daniel with his homework until it was late at night and he was too tired, and it was a challenge to give Esther one-on-one attention at all.  I was far less involved than I had committed to be with my ministry at church.  We paid bills late, forgot appointments, barely spoke to our neighbors, and endured a chronically messy house.  (I mean, messy even by MY standards, which are low.)  We were starting to get our feet under us by the time the kids left, but there were some things about our family life that would have had to change if we had found ourselves caring for them longer.  On the other hand, I experienced God's sustenance (I can't explain it by anything else!) as I weathered many nights of interrupted sleep without frustration or even much tiredness, and as the ministry at church took care of itself in some beautifully unexpected ways.  I fell in love with Tim's parenting all over again as I watched him teasing Princess and playing with Little Guy.  I got to see Daniel's nurturing side, and he got to finally come into his own as the oldest in the family.  And Esther learned patience and kindness, how to manage conflict and how to share.  Meanwhile, two precious kids got to feel safe and loved, to learn and have fun.  Both kids were much prayed for, and came to love praying themselves.  Princess loved coming to church, and was deeply impressed by the Easter story, asking me to read it to her over and over.  Seeds have been planted, and I believe they will bring good to the kids in the future even if we never see them again ourselves.

We want to foster again in the future...but for now, we are going back on respite-only status.  Right now we are still recovering from what has been an intense experience, and pretty soon Daniel will start high school, Esther will (probably) start homeschool, and I will need to be available for planning and teaching and meetings and homework.

---

On the day before Princess and Little Guy went home, we took them out to McDonald's.  Specifically, a McDonald's with a play-place.  We had taken them there on our first meeting, hoping that it would help to break the ice between Esther and Princess, which it did.  During our last few weeks together, Princess had started reminiscing about when we met each other, and that was one of the things she remembered.  She also remembered that I didn't rub her head at night when she first came and that she and Little Guy felt shy with us.  Transitions are just plain not easy!  But anyway, she had been reminiscing about playing with Esther at McDonald's and so it seemed a fitting place to take them as a sort of send-off party.  And play they did!  We were there for, I think, a couple of hours, and all three little kids ran, climbed and slid until they were rosy and sweaty.  Esther at one point got separated from Princess and went around asking the other kids, "Have you seen my sissy?"  Princess at one point heard a song she recognized being piped over the speaker and went and stood under the speaker, dancing to it.  I had my own moment of remembering how, five months earlier, I had been afraid to let Little Guy into the play area because he was still a little unsteady on his feet.  This time, he was climbing all over it fearlessly, and I didn't worry a bit.  What a long way he has come!  Then we went home and had ice cream (just a little bit, since we were all full) with five candles to celebrate the five months we spent together.  Princess and Little Guy loved blowing out the candles.  It's strange to know that Little Guy is unlikely to even remember this period in his life.  Princess will, I think.  And we sent them off with a big stack of pictures and a little memory book that will help them remember what they did during that time when they were not with their mom.  We may or may not see them again--I'm hoping we do, at least a time or two!--but there is no chance that we will forget about them.  They will always be special to us.

Happy Family Day, Daniel!

Last week Daniel officially kicked off our crush of summer Important Days with his second Family Day.  Yes, Daniel has been part of our family for two years!  It's amazing what a different place we are in at the beginning of this summer compared to last summer, let alone to when we first met Daniel!  We are so proud of how far he has come, and so blessed to have gotten to be his family.

His official Family Day is June 13th, but this year the celebration got spread out.  On Thursday, the 13th, Daniel went in to work with Tim (Tim is teaching a summer class) and checked out the equipment stored in the physics lab.  He had fun.  Then on Friday, after our two extra kids were picked up for a weekend visit with family, we officially began the family activity of Daniel's choice.  Last year, it was a trip to Home Depot.  This year, it was a home wiring project.  (Do you spot a trend??)

When we moved into our house, we had in the living room two switches that did not seem to control anything, and one outlet that tripped two fuses if you plugged anything into it.  Tim, who teaches circuits, had an idea of how they might be (mis)connected to each other in order to produce that effect.  But Daniel is hands-on, and for months he has been bugging us to let him take the outlet cover and switchplates off the wall, see how they are actually wired, and fix the problem.  We knew he could probably do it, but would need some supervision and guidance from Dad.  And we know from experience that a small project can become a bigger project once started.  So Tim has been putting Daniel off for months, but this was Family Day and when Daniel decided that what he most wanted to do was rewire the living room, Tim agreed.

It was a good thing he hadn't agreed to the project earlier.  They worked on it for eleven hours!  (Well, they took a quick break to eat lunch, and two trips to the home improvement store for supplies, but that was it.)  I do believe they enjoyed themselves.  :-)  Tim said they made a good team.  Tim figured out how the circuit functioned and drew diagrams of how it was and how it needed to be, while Daniel did most of the actual testing and labeling and (re)wiring.  And in the end, we have two newly-functional outlets (one switchplate got converted to an outlet) and a switch that actually controls a lamp! 

Meanwhile, Esther and I spent much of the day cleaning her room and putting in a new garden bed in our backyard.  Esther also did lots of art projects and fell in love with a cat that came to visit us while we were gardening.  So we all had a good day, except that Esther was bitterly disappointed that we couldn't keep the cat.

Monday we finished the last bit of Daniel's Family Day celebration: the meal.  He had requested mashed potatoes and turkey (or maybe the turkey was Tim's idea!), but I didn't get the turkey in the refrigerator soon enough to cook it on Friday.  Then on Saturday we didn't have celery to stuff it with, and by the time Daniel and I got back from grocery shopping it was too late to start.  Sunday I didn't get ready in time either.  So I finally got it made today.  Not, perhaps, the ideal meal to be preparing when temperatures are in the high 80s!  But oh, it was yummy!  And now we have lots of leftovers for the week.

And now we have to start thinking about our other summer celebrations: Daniel's birthday on Thursday (tomorrow!), my birthday next week, and Esther's birthday the week after that.  Plus we're attending a family reunion next weekend and Princess and Little Guy are due to move back home on the 28th.  So, lots going on! 

a late Mother's Day present

This year for Mother's Day I got sweet cards from both the girls, another card that Esther made at school, and a very special flower with lots of petals, on each of which she had written something she loves about me.  

Tonight, I got one more gift, though it wasn't intended as a Mother's Day present, or in fact as a present at all.

Tonight was our monthly foster-adoptive parent support group meeting.  We adults have a good meal and an interesting training, while our kids are cared for in another building.  One of the projects the kids did tonight was to make tags for stuffed animals to give their moms.  Each tag reads, "We love our foster moms!"  So in the car on the way home one of the girls asked what the card said, and the following discussion ensued:

Esther:  But you're not my foster mom.

Me:  That's true, I'm just Princess and Little Guy's foster mom.

Princess:  You're not my foster mom.

Me:  Oh, I'm not?  What am I then?

Princess:  Just a mom.

Thank you, Princess, for letting me know that I am succeeding in being who I hoped to be.  I wasn't your mom before, and I won't be your mom forever, but it is an honor to be your mom (not your only mom, of course, but your heart is big enough for more than one of us!) for now.

Five Years

On April 20, we celebrated five years with Esther.  Wow, FIVE YEARS!  Five years of watching a curious baby grow into a go-getter five-year-old.  Five years of being a family with child(ren).  Even though Esther is no longer the oldest, she will always be the one who made us parents for the first time.  What a blessing that has been!

For Family Days, we let the star of the day pick a fun family activity.  Esther's pick this year was swimming.  At first she was not pleased when we made a stop at Walmart on our way to the pool.  But then we headed to the swimsuit section to pick her out a new suit, and she was tickled pink!  Then on to swimming, in an indoor heated pool.  I think we were there for a couple of hours.

Sadly, we didn't get much in the way of good pictures, and the best is one of Daniel and Little Guy that we can't post.  (Little Guy was not so sure about this swimming thing.  Tim's first attempt at dipping his toes in the water brought him to tears, and he spent a good twenty minutes pouting on a bench before he got so intrigued by Esther and Daniel's enjoyment that he was willing to try again.  The second attempt was more successful and he went on to have fun splashing and tossing a floating ball, though he kept his legs wrapped monkey-fashion around whoever was with him.  There was a teenage girl also at the pool that day who made fast friends with Little Guy--particularly when Daniel was the one holding him!  Ha.  Princess missed the whole outing because she was on a family visit.)

Our kids are both making great progress in swimming.  We figured out last summer that we were barking up the wrong tree with trying to teach Daniel to swim on top of the water (he sinks like a rock); instead, he has found success learning to swim under the water!  On this outing he swam from one side of the pool all the way to the other without touching bottom or coming up for air.  And Esther swam a few feet from Tim to me (or vice versa), also under water.  We would love to get them both swimming lessons this summer, because it seems that they're ready to take off!

Last year Esther had wanted to make a cake--specifically, a gluten-free cake!  She is not gluten-free but Daddy is, and she has developed a taste for our favorite recipe.  However, we never quite got around to making it.  So this year I resurrected the plan.  We still didn't get the cake made on Family Day, but a few days later Esther got to mix up the batter, and then she and Princess iced and decorated the cake together.  We had been talking about how this was Esther's fifth Family Day, so she wanted five candles.

Esther also wanted to pose with Daniel.  So sweet!  I think it was Daniel's idea to make a heart out of their two hands.

Happy fifth Family Day, Esther Si Di!  We are so blessed to be your family!

Why I haven't been blogging

I have been wanting to write a nice long blog catching up with our family life...but if I wait till I have time to do that, I may be waiting a long time!  So here's the short version:

We now have four kids, ages fifteen, five and a half, five, and two.  The five and a half year old gets up early, even on weekends.  The fifteen year old stays up late, and still wants to be tucked in.  And the two year old doesn't nap.  Hmm, no wonder I haven't been finding time to blog!

The two younger kids are a foster placement.  It is not a pre-adoptive placement; they have a Plan A for reunification which is moving along smoothly right now, and each child has a separate Plan B if Plan A falls through (so we're praying hard for Plan A, as the kids are very bonded to each other).  We've had them for a little over two months, and they will probably be back with their Plan A person within another two months (we are their second foster placement, hence the fast time frame).

It has been an adventure.  I think it has been good for our two kids, although stressful for Esther.  Daniel has surprised me by how well he's risen to the occasion.  He has discovered within himself the ability to entertain himself and to wait for my attention, both things that have...ahem...not been his strong suit up until now!  And he is a wonderful big brother to Little Guy.  He entertains (as long as I don't ask him to do it too often!), changes dirty diapers without batting an eyelash, and is as good as I am at convincing little Mr. Stubborn to eat something that he normally likes but has decided to refuse for the meal.  Little Guy thinks Daniel hangs the moon.  

I had worried about Esther and Princess being so close in age, and whether that would cause more competition.  I don't know that I would have said yes to this placement except that despite being so close in age, Esther is a grade older and so retains her pride of place.  We are very fortunate in that Princess is not combative in the same way Esther is, so Esther can say something provocative and Princess will just move on without rising to the bait.  We are also fortunate that they both enjoy playing in the same way, and can spend hours playing pretend or coloring together.  We are not so fortunate in that Princess, understandably, has a great need for attention and sympathy that results in her reporting Every Single Incident to me, whether it's a boo-boo (possibly visible under a microscope but not to my naked eye) caused by Esther brushing up against her, or whether it's somebody saying or doing something that I once told them not to say or do.  It drives Esther and Daniel nuts, which leads them to sharing unflattering opinions of Princess in loud, unkind voices, which leads to her feelings getting hurt, which leads to them getting even more disgusted with her...it's not pretty.  I stop it as quickly as I can, but my two are like bulldogs when they're upset, and once Princess gets into a funk she can be stuck there for a while.  Daniel is studying patience, and Esther is getting defensive less often as she realized that the constant tattling is more about Princess's need for attention than about her own wrong-doing or lack thereof.  But sometimes when the tattling and sensitivity happens on top of lack of sleep or too many days of togetherness (think snow days and Spring Break), I wish I had the ability to send the three older kids to different states to cool off!  And all three of the younger kids very much want my undivided attention and especially my physical affection, and get jealous of whichever other kid I'm holding or hugging or talking to.  I think the hardest thing about having both Esther and Princess is that it's very difficult for me to get time alone with Esther, and she needs that.  (I get time alone with Princess when Esther is in school.)  However, the girls get along a (much) larger percentage of the time than they don't, and they are precious together when they are enjoying each other.

Well, the younger kids slept later this morning than I was expecting so I got to write more than I thought, but at least one of them is up now and I need to go do morning stuff.  So long, solitude, it was nice having a few minutes with you!  :-)

Daniel's opinion

This is a paragraph Daniel dictated to his vision teacher recently.  (I suspect he got a little help with grammar.)  He commanded me to post it on my blog.  :-)

       Opinions don't always change. I was in an   orphanage in China, when I was told that i was going to be adopted.  The teacher in the orphanage did not tell me this until two days before I met my mom at a China Jinan hotel. I see my new family. I fell in love with them; and I still have this loving opinion of them.  This will never change !!!!

                              feb.11,2013

Our first day with Daniel:

Daniel this summer:

oven bathtub

On December 2, 2012, Daniel was baptized!  December 2 happened to be the first Sunday in Advent, and Daniel loved the idea of being baptized during Advent, so he went around for several weeks talking about "oven bathtub!" (that is, Advent baptize--he's still working on his pronunciation).

While we were still in China, we had a Chinese Christian friend explain our faith to Daniel.  We knew it might be the last good chance we got for a long time to communicate it clearly and completely.  And besides, Daniel really needed an explanation as to why we all closed our eyes and said something into the air before we ate a meal, and why we all held hands and closed our eyes and said something before bedtime.  (He thought we were bizarre!)  He was most impressed by the story of God's grace, and when our friend asked him if this was something that he wanted for himself, he said yes!  So she prayed with him to accept Christ.  I was thrilled that he was so receptive (I had been praying that he would have an open heart), but at the same time I wondered how much he really understood from that brief conversation.  I also wondered how much of his willingness to share our faith came from his desire to follow the Jesus he had just been introduced to and how much of it came from his desire to identify with us.

In the event, it became clear in the months following Daniel's initial profession of faith that he had genuinely responded to what he understood of our friend's explanation, but that he had some significant gaps in understanding, and that his motivation to identify as a Christian did, indeed, have a lot to do with wanting to identify with us, his new family.  So as he continued to watch us live out our faith he asked lots of questions and observed how our faith affects our lives.  He approved of some things (for example, that our church is like a big family) and complained about others (that we give ten percent of our income to the church when we could have been spending it on him!).  He was very impressed that God could help him make wise choices and become a good person, and shared with me from time to time how he prayed when he faced a moral dilemma at school or when he could not fall asleep at night.  He felt that he could feel God helping him.  On the other hand, his life was still hard at times, and it seemed to him that following God would add extra burdens.  This past summer we had a conversation where he shared with me at length all the reasons he had for not wanting to follow God.  There were many, but what it basically boiled down to was that he wanted to be his own boss and not hand the reins over to anyone else, even God.  I have always believed that wrestling with questions and counting the cost is a healthy (and to some extent, necessary) step on the way to genuine faith, but I have to admit that I left that conversation feeling discouraged.  Strangely, though, in the following weeks Daniel began to really own his faith.  By the time late fall rolled around, it was clear that this time around, he knew what he was committing to and the commitment was going to last.  So we talked with Daniel and then with our pastor about baptism, and the rest is history!

We were able to work it out that Tim went in the baptistry with Daniel and did the actual dunking, which was a great privilege.  And my grandmother was able to make a special trip down here to be present for the occasion.  After the pastor's introduction, Daniel talked for a minute or two about his faith (he had already testified at length--in English!--a week or two before when he had done the special music in the service).  Then he was baptized.  The pastor had started the water heating in the baptistry a day or two before to make sure no-one would freeze, and apparently he was a little too enthusiastic, because the water was downright HOT.  You can see in the second picture how red Daniel's hands are where they had been in the water.  When he got out, Esther hollered from the front row, "Are you hot, Daniel?"  and he (apparently with Thanksgiving dinner fresh in his mind) called back, "My so turkey!"

This isn't the best quality video, but it gives you an idea:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASESSwNv5LQ

The Year Ahead

If, as my great-grandma was wont to say, what you do on New Year's Day is what you will do the rest of the year...

we may have an interesting year!