We said good-bye to our foster kids a week ago. They left smiling. Princess was excited to be finally going to live with Mommy, after months of visits and schedule changes and worrying that something might go wrong and she would never see her mommy or her brother again. Little Guy was happy to be seeing Mommy, and also looking forward to playing with "Ee GItah!" (Sissy's guitar, a favorite toy that had been sent with them on an earlier mommy visit). Plus Little Guy is pretty much happy to "Go!" anywhere. :-) We hugged the kids good-bye and waved them off, then when the car was out of sight Esther and I started crying. (Later she drew a picture of her and me with sad faces and Little Guy with a big smile, along with the caption "I mis Little Guy.") Daniel had done his grieving the night before, after the younger kids were in bed.
Now that it's been a week, Tim and I are still praying for the kids and thinking of them, but not missing them too much. We knew from the get-go that they weren't supposed to be with us permanently and we hadn't mentally planned a future with them, so that is making it easier now to move on and enjoy all the things we can do with two children that would have been daunting with four. Of course we have missed them at unexpected moments. I walked past Little Guy's bedroom one night and did a double-take that it was empty. Tim brought home a bagful of green balloons--Princess's favorite color--and I was sorry that she wasn't here to enjoy them with us.
Esther and Daniel have both been somewhat irritable and clingy this past week. Esther talks a lot about Little Guy, what he would be doing or saying if he were here, and how she misses him. She also has been talking baby-talk and wanting to be carried. She hadn't talked much about Princess until last night except to rejoice that Princess is no longer here to compete with her. But last night when we went to a fireworks show she mentioned several times how much Princess would enjoy the fireworks and that she wished she were here, and she told an acquaintance that "if my other sister were here" she would do such-and-so. (Yes, they called each other sisters the last few months! And the kids really were part of the family, except for everyone knowing it was temporary.) Daniel hasn't talked about the kids much except to point out how good it is that we can go shopping as a family without chaos...or not have as much noise in the house...or not have as many meltdowns (Princess treated us to some doozies the last couple weeks...as did Esther, for that matter!). But I'm sure he misses them too, especially Little Guy, whom he loves dearly. Both kids have asked us to adopt a toddler next time than we don't have to give back. And hard as it was to see Daniel hurting on that one night when he did grieve outwardly, I am thankful to be raising a young man who is willing and able to attach to a little child who can do little for him and has no inherent claim on him.
We are truly happy for the kids and their family the way things worked out. Both kids will stay together and be mostly parented by their mom, who seems to be the parent they are most strongly bonded with. Both will have other family members involved in their lives long-term, which is also a good thing. Not everything is sunshine and roses, but I'm hopeful that this really is the best possible scenario for them.
As for us, fostering was harder in some ways than we had imagined, and better in some ways than we had imagined. I really was stretched too thin for those five months. I was not able to help Daniel with his homework until it was late at night and he was too tired, and it was a challenge to give Esther one-on-one attention at all. I was far less involved than I had committed to be with my ministry at church. We paid bills late, forgot appointments, barely spoke to our neighbors, and endured a chronically messy house. (I mean, messy even by MY standards, which are low.) We were starting to get our feet under us by the time the kids left, but there were some things about our family life that would have had to change if we had found ourselves caring for them longer. On the other hand, I experienced God's sustenance (I can't explain it by anything else!) as I weathered many nights of interrupted sleep without frustration or even much tiredness, and as the ministry at church took care of itself in some beautifully unexpected ways. I fell in love with Tim's parenting all over again as I watched him teasing Princess and playing with Little Guy. I got to see Daniel's nurturing side, and he got to finally come into his own as the oldest in the family. And Esther learned patience and kindness, how to manage conflict and how to share. Meanwhile, two precious kids got to feel safe and loved, to learn and have fun. Both kids were much prayed for, and came to love praying themselves. Princess loved coming to church, and was deeply impressed by the Easter story, asking me to read it to her over and over. Seeds have been planted, and I believe they will bring good to the kids in the future even if we never see them again ourselves.
We want to foster again in the future...but for now, we are going back on respite-only status. Right now we are still recovering from what has been an intense experience, and pretty soon Daniel will start high school, Esther will (probably) start homeschool, and I will need to be available for planning and teaching and meetings and homework.
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On the day before Princess and Little Guy went home, we took them out to McDonald's. Specifically, a McDonald's with a play-place. We had taken them there on our first meeting, hoping that it would help to break the ice between Esther and Princess, which it did. During our last few weeks together, Princess had started reminiscing about when we met each other, and that was one of the things she remembered. She also remembered that I didn't rub her head at night when she first came and that she and Little Guy felt shy with us. Transitions are just plain not easy! But anyway, she had been reminiscing about playing with Esther at McDonald's and so it seemed a fitting place to take them as a sort of send-off party. And play they did! We were there for, I think, a couple of hours, and all three little kids ran, climbed and slid until they were rosy and sweaty. Esther at one point got separated from Princess and went around asking the other kids, "Have you seen my sissy?" Princess at one point heard a song she recognized being piped over the speaker and went and stood under the speaker, dancing to it. I had my own moment of remembering how, five months earlier, I had been afraid to let Little Guy into the play area because he was still a little unsteady on his feet. This time, he was climbing all over it fearlessly, and I didn't worry a bit. What a long way he has come! Then we went home and had ice cream (just a little bit, since we were all full) with five candles to celebrate the five months we spent together. Princess and Little Guy loved blowing out the candles. It's strange to know that Little Guy is unlikely to even remember this period in his life. Princess will, I think. And we sent them off with a big stack of pictures and a little memory book that will help them remember what they did during that time when they were not with their mom. We may or may not see them again--I'm hoping we do, at least a time or two!--but there is no chance that we will forget about them. They will always be special to us.
