When we first found out about our son, we did a lot of talking over Esther's head as we tried to figure out at each step whether we should keep moving forward and what questions we needed to ask next. But as we got closer to the end of the second week and started thinking we were likely to say yes, we broached the topic with Esther. We told her that we had heard about a boy in China who lived in an orphanage with ayis (nannies) and lots of other kids, just like she did when she was a baby. Only he hadn't gotten adopted when he was a baby, so he still lived there, but he really wanted a family. We asked Esther to pray with us that a family would adopt him. We could tell from the way she listened and responded that she sympathized with his situation, and she wanted him to have a family.
So when we decided for sure that we were going to adopt FH, our conversation with Esther went something like this:
Mommy: Hey Esther, you know FH, who we were praying about yesterday? Well, we think that maybe we would be the right family to adopt him.
Esther: You can't adopt FH, you already adopted me!
Mommy: Yes, we already adopted you, and you are part of our family forever. But we think we could adopt two children into the family.
Esther (her face lighting up): If we adopt two children, then we could go to...what it called?
Mommy: China?
Esther: No...Lowe's! And we could both ride in the up shopping car cart! (Lowe's has some special shopping carts with seats for two children. Esther thinks it's a real treat to ride in one.)
Mommy: I'm afraid FH is too tall to ride in a shopping cart. He would look pretty funny!
Esther: Maybe we can adopt a small child, and then we can both ride in a shopping car cart!
Later she said, "Mommy, I don't like FH very much." (I don't remember exactly how I responded to that, but I told her something along the lines of that was okay, it would take us some time to all get used to each other and we didn't know whether or not we would like each other at first.)
I think Esther felt (and reasonably so!) a little unsettled at first about the prospect of another child joining our family. But gradually as the idea became less new and as she realized that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, she got more comfortable. Here is a conversation we had on December 16:
Esther (very seriously): FH needs a family.
Mommy: Yes, he lives in an orphanage like you did when you were a baby, but he didn't get a family when...
Esther (joyfully): We're FH's family!
Mommy: That's right! But he doesn't know that yet. Later he'll find out about us, and then we'll go to China to meet him!
Esther: And I'll say, "FH!"
Mommy: What will you say to him?
Esther (after some thought): I don't know.
When we visited some friends in the DC area at the beginning of January, Esther was quite happy to show off our video of him and to tell everyone, "That's my brother. He sings in Chinese." (I've tried to explain to her that he speaks Chinese too, but I don't think she quite gets that they won't be able to understand each other's words when they first meet. Nor, for that matter, have I succeeded in convincing her that he can't fit in a shopping cart.)
Esther's life has already been somewhat impacted by this adoption. She spent a lot of hours with babysitters while we took classes required by our home study agency, and watched extra videos while Mommy was busy with "paperwork." One whole day she went around the house murmuring "Dossy-A" to herself at random intervals (dossier being the set of information about our family that we have to send to China before they can give final approval to our adoption). We consulted her about turning her playroom into her new brother's bedroom, giving him the tall bed in there (which we had originally bought for her), and moving her toys elsewhere, and she decided that would be okay. She also decided she does NOT want her own "big bed" yet, so since we don't want to move her anywhere close in time to the adoption, she is going to stay in her crib in our room at least till next Christmas. I think she has enough inches left that she won't run out of room before then!
Recently she has been talking about FH almost every day. When she had to fill out a little booklet about her thoughts and feelings as part of our home study process, she included FH as a family member on the family page, and put "I want to adopt FH" as one of the two things that she would want a new family member to know. (I would tell you the other, but I can't find our photocopy right now...it might have been that she can draw squiggly lines. I know that made it in there somewhere.) So at least the idea of him has been accepted. It remains to be seen what she thinks of the real thing!
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