And, the other side of the coin

Remember my concerns about Daniel waiting for the bus in the afternoons, and the kids that he was making laugh?

Well, we got a call from the school yesterday saying that they had found out that some kids were coaching Daniel to say some very inappropriate words and to use some inappropriate gestures.  The school administration and teachers were not happy that any of their students would do this.  Their take was that it was harassment, since kids were singling out Daniel because he doesn't speak English.  I'm still thinking about that one.  On the one hand, the kids were "using" Daniel for their own entertainment, and their actions did meet the definition of harassment in the student handbook.  But when I think of harassment I think of an intent to make the victim scared or uncomfortable, and I suspect the spirit of their actions was rather more like when Daniel eggs Esther on to say "fart" in Chinese and then they both giggle like maniacs.  Only in this case, the words and gestures he was being coached in could get him beat up if he used them in the wrong circumstances.  In any case, the entire seventh-grade class got an earful from their 5th period teachers about how inappropriate it is to be teaching someone who can't speak a language to say words that could get them in trouble, and how that is not going to be tolerated at this school.  And there are teeth in the threat: any student caught in the act of teaching inappropriate vocabulary or gestures will get an out-of-school suspension.

Meanwhile, suspecting that much of the problem was occurring in the bus waiting room, Tim rearranged his work schedule so that we could pick Daniel up directly from school.  He was very surprised to find us waiting outside his classroom when the bell rang.  Of course he wanted to know why.  I gave him a brief explanation then, and let him think about it while we drove home.  Later we had a more serious talk.  He at first protested the thought that he could bear any responsibility ("How was I supposed to know what they were saying?  I don't understand English!"), but it turned out that he had a pretty good idea when it was happening (in the bus waiting room and on the bus) and who was instigating it.  He suspected that the words he was being taught were not "good" ones, but people laughed when he said them and that was fun.  He also told me that his bus seat mate, the first person he described to me as a "friend" at his new school, has been telling him "NO" when he repeats something that he shouldn't say.  So he is not without allies among the student body--in fact, my feeling is that he has a lot more allies than there are mischief-makers--he just needs to learn to exercise some judgement in who he chooses to go along with!  That's a life lesson that he could be learning from much more difficult and dangerous experiences than the one he's going through right now.  At the end of our talk he asked me if I thought his problem was really big, and I told him that it could be a big problem, but it could also be a good opportunity to learn what people can be like and how to be careful.  Poor kid; it's not an easy lesson or a fun one!  (At one point during our talk he asked me, "Why is being in school so hard?")

So we discussed under what circumstances the words someone is asking you to repeat might be just fine (if you know what the words mean and know they are okay, or if there is a teacher within earshot), and under what circumstances you need to be careful.  I don't want to rob him of the joy of making people laugh, and he is so good at saying funny things in Chinese...but not everything that makes people laugh is good!  I had an LEP meeting at school today, and when I saw Daniel he told me that one of the "usual suspects" on the bus had asked him to say something, but he had answered them in Chinese and then ignored them.  We'll see how this afternoon goes, when he has the long wait before the bus ride.  He actually wanted me to come walk him home from school today (I have offered/threatened to do that if the bus problem continues), but I asked him to ride the bus today so he can try out ignoring those kids.  (Plus there's a chance of thunderstorms.)  I will pick him up tomorrow if he wants me to.

So...I'm thankful for school personnel who take Daniel's well-being seriously, and for real friends who try to keep him from doing harmful things.  And I hope our boy is able to get some good out of this not-so-good situation by learning a lesson that will be easier now than later.