Esther approves of her new Elsa dress that she bought with her Christmas money...
He also likes Daniel's new method for letting him practice sitting up when no-one is available to sit behind him in case he topples over.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Tidbits
Daniel has been hanging out with girls again.
Esther approves of her new Elsa dress that she bought with her Christmas money...
...although apparently the cold does bother her (anyway). (And if that didn't make any sense, it's because it's a reference to the movie.)
Joel approves of refried beans.
He also likes Daniel's new method for letting him practice sitting up when no-one is available to sit behind him in case he topples over.
Esther approves of her new Elsa dress that she bought with her Christmas money...
He also likes Daniel's new method for letting him practice sitting up when no-one is available to sit behind him in case he topples over.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Big kid update
So, what are the big kids busy with while we all adjust to life with a new baby?
Well, school, for one thing. Esther is plugging along in reading and math, in between me changing Joel's diapers and lying down with him for his afternoon nap. Her favorite class is U.S. history. I am mostly reading historical fiction aloud to her (while Joel nurses and naps), with an occasional non-fiction book thrown in to cement her learning. We love our library! Daniel is in a computer systems networking and repair class at the vocational school next to the high school (but it is a high school class and he gets a high school credit for it), and he is loving it! He gets some extra assistance, but at the end of the day he is expected to know and do all the same things as the other students--and he is getting an A! We are very proud of him.
Daniel decided not to join Key Club again this year. He loves volunteering, but he did not like being accountable to anyone for his hours. So he does not have any regular extracurricular activities. Sometimes that means he hangs out at home for days on end, doing projects, or, when he runs out of projects, watching long hours of Youtube, finding things he wants to own, buying them on Amazon, trying them out with great anticipation only to find out that they don't work as well as advertised, trouble-shooting on the phone with customer service, and ultimately (usually) sending them back. In the course of many conversations with customer support he has learned how to spell things out over the phone, but he sometimes does so with a Daniel twist. My two favorites that I have overheard are "I as in instagram" and "Q as in cute." Other times he'll find some project outside the house which he throws himself into 100% for a time. For example, he spent several weeks practically living at his best friend's house while he helped her father do home improvements and prepare for a yard sale. Then he stopped and didn't go over for weeks. One weekend he spent many hours over at church helping with a fundraising bazaar.
Then in November he was the keynote speaker for an adoption celebration event! He did a fabulous job sharing some of his story and how his life experiences have influenced the person he is turning out to be. He had the audience touched, entertained, and thinking. Then he capped it off by performing one of the songs that had been written for him to sing when he was in his orphanage. The title roughly translates to "Star, bring me home," and it portrays a child longing to be united with a family. Several of us agreed afterwards that he has career potential as a motivational speaker! If you are interested in watching his speech, here is the link to the video. It is 24 minutes long. He omitted some of the grittier details of his life, but I think the tone was very appropriate for the occasion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggbsqa167Nk&list=UUtNFoANZyRvWcwmnt2WN84g
Esther has been thinking about how being adopted into a family is different from being born into it. One day she remarked to me thoughtfully, "You're not my real mother." And more than once she has told me (but with a sneaky little grin) that she feels like a kid who was born into a family can't be sent away but a child who was adopted into it could be. I suspect she just wants to hear my answer again: "Nope, once you're adopted you're legally part of the family the same as if you were born into it. You and Joel are both stuck with us for the rest of your lives." To which she responds, grinning bigger, "Aw, poopy butt!"
One day Daniel asked me where something was. I had no idea, so I answered, "Somewhere." He responded by singing "Somewheeeeeeere over the rainbow...". How American!
Esther continues to work hard at gymnastics. She is now attending class five hours a week and is competing as part of the rhythmic gymnastics team at Level 3 (the lowest competitive level). Here is the link to her rope routine:
And here she is receiving her award for competing.
Daniel has a girlfriend! He told me initially that she was his "school girlfriend," and in fact they rarely do anything together outside of school. But at his choir concert I overheard another student refer to her as his girlfriend, so it must be at least somewhat official. He has been over to her house a couple of times. This was the result the first time:
And as for the second time...let's just say that the rosy glow on his head in this picture is not just a reflection from the Christmas lights. Nope, his hair is currently pale pink!
And those are some highlights of the last six months for the big kids.
Well, school, for one thing. Esther is plugging along in reading and math, in between me changing Joel's diapers and lying down with him for his afternoon nap. Her favorite class is U.S. history. I am mostly reading historical fiction aloud to her (while Joel nurses and naps), with an occasional non-fiction book thrown in to cement her learning. We love our library! Daniel is in a computer systems networking and repair class at the vocational school next to the high school (but it is a high school class and he gets a high school credit for it), and he is loving it! He gets some extra assistance, but at the end of the day he is expected to know and do all the same things as the other students--and he is getting an A! We are very proud of him.
Daniel decided not to join Key Club again this year. He loves volunteering, but he did not like being accountable to anyone for his hours. So he does not have any regular extracurricular activities. Sometimes that means he hangs out at home for days on end, doing projects, or, when he runs out of projects, watching long hours of Youtube, finding things he wants to own, buying them on Amazon, trying them out with great anticipation only to find out that they don't work as well as advertised, trouble-shooting on the phone with customer service, and ultimately (usually) sending them back. In the course of many conversations with customer support he has learned how to spell things out over the phone, but he sometimes does so with a Daniel twist. My two favorites that I have overheard are "I as in instagram" and "Q as in cute." Other times he'll find some project outside the house which he throws himself into 100% for a time. For example, he spent several weeks practically living at his best friend's house while he helped her father do home improvements and prepare for a yard sale. Then he stopped and didn't go over for weeks. One weekend he spent many hours over at church helping with a fundraising bazaar.
Then in November he was the keynote speaker for an adoption celebration event! He did a fabulous job sharing some of his story and how his life experiences have influenced the person he is turning out to be. He had the audience touched, entertained, and thinking. Then he capped it off by performing one of the songs that had been written for him to sing when he was in his orphanage. The title roughly translates to "Star, bring me home," and it portrays a child longing to be united with a family. Several of us agreed afterwards that he has career potential as a motivational speaker! If you are interested in watching his speech, here is the link to the video. It is 24 minutes long. He omitted some of the grittier details of his life, but I think the tone was very appropriate for the occasion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggbsqa167Nk&list=UUtNFoANZyRvWcwmnt2WN84g
Esther has been thinking about how being adopted into a family is different from being born into it. One day she remarked to me thoughtfully, "You're not my real mother." And more than once she has told me (but with a sneaky little grin) that she feels like a kid who was born into a family can't be sent away but a child who was adopted into it could be. I suspect she just wants to hear my answer again: "Nope, once you're adopted you're legally part of the family the same as if you were born into it. You and Joel are both stuck with us for the rest of your lives." To which she responds, grinning bigger, "Aw, poopy butt!"
One day Daniel asked me where something was. I had no idea, so I answered, "Somewhere." He responded by singing "Somewheeeeeeere over the rainbow...". How American!
Esther continues to work hard at gymnastics. She is now attending class five hours a week and is competing as part of the rhythmic gymnastics team at Level 3 (the lowest competitive level). Here is the link to her rope routine:
Daniel has a girlfriend! He told me initially that she was his "school girlfriend," and in fact they rarely do anything together outside of school. But at his choir concert I overheard another student refer to her as his girlfriend, so it must be at least somewhat official. He has been over to her house a couple of times. This was the result the first time:
And as for the second time...let's just say that the rosy glow on his head in this picture is not just a reflection from the Christmas lights. Nope, his hair is currently pale pink!
And those are some highlights of the last six months for the big kids.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Three months
Our sweet Joel boy is three months old today! He sure has changed a lot in the past two months.
His second month was all about communication. He went from occasionally cooing and smiling to very deliberately catching someone's eye (especially mine) and grinning all over his face and cooing at them in an attempt to start a "conversation." And he does love an audience. A couple of weeks ago I had taken him out of our small group at church because he was fussing, and I was holding him in the lobby when one of the other groups got out. Four or five ladies converged on us to make much of him, and pretty soon he was wreathed in smiles and cooing back at them. I'm sure his grandparents will be pleased to know that I checked the baby books and he is a precocious cooer! He is already producing sounds that 90% of babies his age haven't mastered yet. However, lest I get big-headed, most babies are laughing by three months, and Joel didn't laugh for the first time until two days ago. The cardboard sign Esther had laid on his tummy ("To Mommy Frum Esther") fell into his mouth and apparently he found that funny? Meanwhile, Tim's and my attempts to tickle him under his chin or blow raspberries on his tummy are met with blank stares. I guess we're just not as entertaining as his sister!
During Joel's second month, he also confirmed his suspicions that people pay attention when he cries and try to fix whatever is wrong. So now whenever he is wet, or hungry, or tired, or just wants to be picked up...we get to hear alllll about it! Although he can't figure out why I don't rescue him from his car seat. He will stare me in the eye while wailing, as if to say, "It's your job to fix this! How come you aren't getting the message that I need OUT?!?" Interestingly, his cries became less specific during his second month. When he was a newborn we could always tell when he was hungry. First he would bob his head against the chest of whoever was holding him (earning him the nickname "red-headed woodpecker" from Tim), or turn his head and mouth their arm. Then if he progressed to crying, it would be a soft "eh-eh-eh" cry, progressing to a louder "unh-unh" cry and only then to a flat-out wail. But now when he is hungry he just fusses or cries and sometimes it takes some trial and error to realize that he wants to be fed.
We went through a period in his second month where he was really fussy almost every late afternoon and evening. While waiting for his two-month doctor appointment, Esther and I made up the following song (to the tune of "Starship" by Nicki Minaj which, no, I don't encourage my children to listen to): "Babies were made to cry, they fuss and fuss and you don't know why. Check their diaper to see if it's dry, but don't stick a diaper pin in their thigh." It wasn't colic, because we could usually calm him down with a change of scenery or endless carrying. And I didn't think he had any dire health problems, since he was always happy in the mornings. But it was rather worrisome, not to mention a nuisance. Finally, we figured out the cause: he wasn't getting enough sleep! I had always thought that little babies automatically fell asleep when they were tired. Well, not this one! He has always been a good sleeper at night (usually), but he can't seem to stay asleep during the day unless someone is holding him or lying down next to him. So I started making it a priority to get him to stay asleep for naps, and since then we have had a much happier baby.
If Joel's second month was about communication, his third month was about expanding horizons. He learned how to get his fingers in his mouth on purpose, and started interacting with toys. He spent even more time than before people-watching, and we noticed that he seemed to be able to see people and objects from farther away. He will now make eye contact and smile at me from four or five feet away, and one day when my family were visiting recently he was tracking my brother (who was wearing a brightly colored shirt) walk across the yard from at least thirty feet away. With all these new things to learn and do, maybe it's not too surprising that he's not a fan of sleep!
And speaking of sleep, I had better start my own sleep for the night so I can be ready for my first wake-up call from a hungry baby. Hopefully as life starts to feel a little more sane I'll be able to write an update on Daniel and Esther too. They aren't changing quite as fast as their little brother, but they still have interesting things going on in their lives. 'Til then...
His second month was all about communication. He went from occasionally cooing and smiling to very deliberately catching someone's eye (especially mine) and grinning all over his face and cooing at them in an attempt to start a "conversation." And he does love an audience. A couple of weeks ago I had taken him out of our small group at church because he was fussing, and I was holding him in the lobby when one of the other groups got out. Four or five ladies converged on us to make much of him, and pretty soon he was wreathed in smiles and cooing back at them. I'm sure his grandparents will be pleased to know that I checked the baby books and he is a precocious cooer! He is already producing sounds that 90% of babies his age haven't mastered yet. However, lest I get big-headed, most babies are laughing by three months, and Joel didn't laugh for the first time until two days ago. The cardboard sign Esther had laid on his tummy ("To Mommy Frum Esther") fell into his mouth and apparently he found that funny? Meanwhile, Tim's and my attempts to tickle him under his chin or blow raspberries on his tummy are met with blank stares. I guess we're just not as entertaining as his sister!
During Joel's second month, he also confirmed his suspicions that people pay attention when he cries and try to fix whatever is wrong. So now whenever he is wet, or hungry, or tired, or just wants to be picked up...we get to hear alllll about it! Although he can't figure out why I don't rescue him from his car seat. He will stare me in the eye while wailing, as if to say, "It's your job to fix this! How come you aren't getting the message that I need OUT?!?" Interestingly, his cries became less specific during his second month. When he was a newborn we could always tell when he was hungry. First he would bob his head against the chest of whoever was holding him (earning him the nickname "red-headed woodpecker" from Tim), or turn his head and mouth their arm. Then if he progressed to crying, it would be a soft "eh-eh-eh" cry, progressing to a louder "unh-unh" cry and only then to a flat-out wail. But now when he is hungry he just fusses or cries and sometimes it takes some trial and error to realize that he wants to be fed.
We went through a period in his second month where he was really fussy almost every late afternoon and evening. While waiting for his two-month doctor appointment, Esther and I made up the following song (to the tune of "Starship" by Nicki Minaj which, no, I don't encourage my children to listen to): "Babies were made to cry, they fuss and fuss and you don't know why. Check their diaper to see if it's dry, but don't stick a diaper pin in their thigh." It wasn't colic, because we could usually calm him down with a change of scenery or endless carrying. And I didn't think he had any dire health problems, since he was always happy in the mornings. But it was rather worrisome, not to mention a nuisance. Finally, we figured out the cause: he wasn't getting enough sleep! I had always thought that little babies automatically fell asleep when they were tired. Well, not this one! He has always been a good sleeper at night (usually), but he can't seem to stay asleep during the day unless someone is holding him or lying down next to him. So I started making it a priority to get him to stay asleep for naps, and since then we have had a much happier baby.
If Joel's second month was about communication, his third month was about expanding horizons. He learned how to get his fingers in his mouth on purpose, and started interacting with toys. He spent even more time than before people-watching, and we noticed that he seemed to be able to see people and objects from farther away. He will now make eye contact and smile at me from four or five feet away, and one day when my family were visiting recently he was tracking my brother (who was wearing a brightly colored shirt) walk across the yard from at least thirty feet away. With all these new things to learn and do, maybe it's not too surprising that he's not a fan of sleep!
And speaking of sleep, I had better start my own sleep for the night so I can be ready for my first wake-up call from a hungry baby. Hopefully as life starts to feel a little more sane I'll be able to write an update on Daniel and Esther too. They aren't changing quite as fast as their little brother, but they still have interesting things going on in their lives. 'Til then...
Saturday, August 9, 2014
One month
Joel is one month old today! And as I told Tim this morning, you know your expectations have changed when a total of seven and a half hours of sleep spread out over four separate installments feels like being rested! But we are slowly settling in with our newest family member.
We have a night-time routine, sort of. Bedtime is at approximately nine; Joel wakes up twice during the night for about an hour each time (he's a slow eater!), and then is up for the day at six-ish, though it can be later or can be as early as five. Daytime is more spontaneous. But we can count on Joel to nurse frequently while he is awake (some days it feels like that's all we do!), to have one or two stretches of deep sleep plus lots of catnaps, to have a period of contented alertness in the morning, and often to have a period of fussiness in the afternoon.
I have gotten a few smiles, real ones directed at me, not just the little sleep smiles that we saw when he was a newborn. They light up his whole face! He also coos when he is content and not eating. His head doesn't bobble quite so much now when I carry him, and he likes to gaze at faces. What he does not like is to be put down by himself. Now he won't even sleep alone for a nap. No matter how deeply asleep he may be when I put him down, as soon as he reaches his next period of light sleep he realizes that he is by himself and wakes up. So much for my vision of teaching Esther during his long afternoon nap. Instead, we do most of our lessons with me sitting on the floor next to her nursing him (a firm pillow helps a lot here, as it frees up my hands!), or with him sleeping on my chest. And somewhat to my surprise, it has been working out really well! We've done two days of second grade so far, and we were able to accomplish my goals for the day both times. I was congratulating myself on how well we've adapted...and then Esther reminded me that in a few months he will be mobile. Sigh. This school year is going to be a test of everyone's flexibility!
The most amazing thing about Joel at this age is that he can make predictions about my behaviour, and he trusts me. If he is hungry and I take him to the chair I usually nurse him in, he will often stop crying and wait hopefully while I get my clothes adjusted. It boggles my mind that he trusts me so much to give him what he needs that he can stop crying from the need and instead act as if it has already been met. (And, oh, he is so cute while he waits! His eyes get big, his mouth makes a little 'O,' and he gazes at me with rapt attention and the most hopeful expression you can imagine--it's hilarious and adorable.)
Speaking of hilarious, Esther has produced some good quotes in the last month. She has always been prone to spoonerisms (e.g. saying dullbozer for bulldozer). (One time we were carrying trays in McDonalds and she suddenly stopped and announced, as one discovering a catastrophe, "Mommy, we forgot the check-up!" I was racking my brains to think what doctor's appointment we might have missed when it suddenly occurred to me that we had neglected to pick up any ketchup.) Lately she has added malapropisms to her repertoire. The first time she saw Joel, she exclaimed, "He has dimples [pimples] on his nose! He looks like a fruit!" A few days later we had to take him back to the hospital lab for a blood draw and he was getting fussy. She suggested, "Mommy, you should juggle him to calm him down." (She meant jiggle.) Then there was the Sunday that she asked me if I had had to milk Joel during church.
On the whole, Esther is adjusting well to sharing me with her new brother. She complains some that he is getting more attention than she is, and in an attempt to claim her fair share of the attention she likes to hang around while I'm feeding him and ask me continuously to "Watch this!"--"this" usually being some gymnastics move that is not ideally suited to being performed in my bedroom. She has also indulged in a little baby talk, but less than I might have expected. On the other hand, she clearly adores her baby brother, and is always asking if she can hold him or play with him. She can be very helpful entertaining him for a few minutes when I need two hands to get something done.
Daniel, too, has risen to the occasion. He has actually been consistently polite to me for the past month! And he has had a wonderful attitude about helping out when asked. He also is good at holding and entertaining his baby brother. I don't think he's been quite sure what to do with the time and energy he would normally spend aggravating me, so instead he's been watching way too much Youtube. (He has, at least, learned some things from all the videos.) Today I nursed Joel in the living room and Daniel sat on the couch with me and we talked and looked at some videos together. I had to remind him a few times about appropriate comments and touch, but it felt good to spend normal time together. Hopefully we will have more and more such times as we get adjusted to our "new normal" as a family.
We have a night-time routine, sort of. Bedtime is at approximately nine; Joel wakes up twice during the night for about an hour each time (he's a slow eater!), and then is up for the day at six-ish, though it can be later or can be as early as five. Daytime is more spontaneous. But we can count on Joel to nurse frequently while he is awake (some days it feels like that's all we do!), to have one or two stretches of deep sleep plus lots of catnaps, to have a period of contented alertness in the morning, and often to have a period of fussiness in the afternoon.
I have gotten a few smiles, real ones directed at me, not just the little sleep smiles that we saw when he was a newborn. They light up his whole face! He also coos when he is content and not eating. His head doesn't bobble quite so much now when I carry him, and he likes to gaze at faces. What he does not like is to be put down by himself. Now he won't even sleep alone for a nap. No matter how deeply asleep he may be when I put him down, as soon as he reaches his next period of light sleep he realizes that he is by himself and wakes up. So much for my vision of teaching Esther during his long afternoon nap. Instead, we do most of our lessons with me sitting on the floor next to her nursing him (a firm pillow helps a lot here, as it frees up my hands!), or with him sleeping on my chest. And somewhat to my surprise, it has been working out really well! We've done two days of second grade so far, and we were able to accomplish my goals for the day both times. I was congratulating myself on how well we've adapted...and then Esther reminded me that in a few months he will be mobile. Sigh. This school year is going to be a test of everyone's flexibility!
The most amazing thing about Joel at this age is that he can make predictions about my behaviour, and he trusts me. If he is hungry and I take him to the chair I usually nurse him in, he will often stop crying and wait hopefully while I get my clothes adjusted. It boggles my mind that he trusts me so much to give him what he needs that he can stop crying from the need and instead act as if it has already been met. (And, oh, he is so cute while he waits! His eyes get big, his mouth makes a little 'O,' and he gazes at me with rapt attention and the most hopeful expression you can imagine--it's hilarious and adorable.)
Speaking of hilarious, Esther has produced some good quotes in the last month. She has always been prone to spoonerisms (e.g. saying dullbozer for bulldozer). (One time we were carrying trays in McDonalds and she suddenly stopped and announced, as one discovering a catastrophe, "Mommy, we forgot the check-up!" I was racking my brains to think what doctor's appointment we might have missed when it suddenly occurred to me that we had neglected to pick up any ketchup.) Lately she has added malapropisms to her repertoire. The first time she saw Joel, she exclaimed, "He has dimples [pimples] on his nose! He looks like a fruit!" A few days later we had to take him back to the hospital lab for a blood draw and he was getting fussy. She suggested, "Mommy, you should juggle him to calm him down." (She meant jiggle.) Then there was the Sunday that she asked me if I had had to milk Joel during church.
On the whole, Esther is adjusting well to sharing me with her new brother. She complains some that he is getting more attention than she is, and in an attempt to claim her fair share of the attention she likes to hang around while I'm feeding him and ask me continuously to "Watch this!"--"this" usually being some gymnastics move that is not ideally suited to being performed in my bedroom. She has also indulged in a little baby talk, but less than I might have expected. On the other hand, she clearly adores her baby brother, and is always asking if she can hold him or play with him. She can be very helpful entertaining him for a few minutes when I need two hands to get something done.
Daniel, too, has risen to the occasion. He has actually been consistently polite to me for the past month! And he has had a wonderful attitude about helping out when asked. He also is good at holding and entertaining his baby brother. I don't think he's been quite sure what to do with the time and energy he would normally spend aggravating me, so instead he's been watching way too much Youtube. (He has, at least, learned some things from all the videos.) Today I nursed Joel in the living room and Daniel sat on the couch with me and we talked and looked at some videos together. I had to remind him a few times about appropriate comments and touch, but it felt good to spend normal time together. Hopefully we will have more and more such times as we get adjusted to our "new normal" as a family.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Introducing...
Joel David, our precious (and unexpected!) gift from God!
Joel arrived on July 9 at 11:34 PM, 6 pounds and 13 ounces and twenty and a half inches long.
Joel's siblings approve of him, for the most part. Esther decided yesterday to start a journal about him. She titled it the "Joel Love Book," and her first entry read, "He is cute and a little bit annoying but I love him." Daniel has gotten some great pictures (of course!). Both kids have enjoyed playing with him, though I'm sure both of them wish I spent less time feeding him and more time doing things with them!
But meanwhile, I'm thankful that it is within our ability to love and care for this little one. And we are treasuring his newborn-baby-ness: his expressive little face (especially a certain ferocious pout), the way he smiles secretly in his sleep when he has a full tummy, the way he grunts and squirms his way over to one of us and snuggles right into our side to sleep if we lay him down on our bed, the way he lies quietly and looks all around. We are blessed!
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Happy Family Day, Esther
So, um, yeah...today is not actually Esther's Family Day. In fact, it happened back in April! But she deserves her own post, and late is better than never.
Her choice of family fun activity this year, as last year, was swimming at an indoor pool. We gave her the option of doing it with just our family or of going at a time when Princess and Little Guy were with us. She thought about it, and decided that she could get more parental attention if Princess and Little Guy were not there. So we went swimming at a time when they had a Mommy visit. It made our swimming time a little shorter than it might have been, but we all had fun. (Personally, I really enjoyed the feeling of having my belly buoyed up by the water instead of being pulled down by gravity! And the kids enjoyed that I could give them piggy-back rides in the pool, which I had not felt up to doing in the air for some months.) You can tell from the pictures what Esther thought about her swimming time:
And Daniel continues to make progress in his swimming skills!
On our way home, Esther requested that we eat dinner out as part of her Family Day celebration. So after we were reunited with Princess and Little Guy, we went out to Bob Evans (her choice). All the kids enjoyed that!
On a sweet side note, Esther's prayers recently have frequently featured thankfulness that she has a mommy and a daddy. I don't know if Princess and Little Guy's situation has made her think more about family or whether it's due to our impending baby or to something else entirely, but it's definitely a topic that has been on her mind. The other day she was praying before bed and thanked God specifically that she was adopted by us because "otherwise I might not have known this family." Her thankfulness doesn't negate the fact that she was denied growing up in her first family, and she has the right to feel about that however she wishes as she continues to understand it better, but for now I'm glad that she's glad to be in our family. We are sure glad that we get to know her and love her and watch her grow up!
Her choice of family fun activity this year, as last year, was swimming at an indoor pool. We gave her the option of doing it with just our family or of going at a time when Princess and Little Guy were with us. She thought about it, and decided that she could get more parental attention if Princess and Little Guy were not there. So we went swimming at a time when they had a Mommy visit. It made our swimming time a little shorter than it might have been, but we all had fun. (Personally, I really enjoyed the feeling of having my belly buoyed up by the water instead of being pulled down by gravity! And the kids enjoyed that I could give them piggy-back rides in the pool, which I had not felt up to doing in the air for some months.) You can tell from the pictures what Esther thought about her swimming time:
And Daniel continues to make progress in his swimming skills!
On our way home, Esther requested that we eat dinner out as part of her Family Day celebration. So after we were reunited with Princess and Little Guy, we went out to Bob Evans (her choice). All the kids enjoyed that!
On a sweet side note, Esther's prayers recently have frequently featured thankfulness that she has a mommy and a daddy. I don't know if Princess and Little Guy's situation has made her think more about family or whether it's due to our impending baby or to something else entirely, but it's definitely a topic that has been on her mind. The other day she was praying before bed and thanked God specifically that she was adopted by us because "otherwise I might not have known this family." Her thankfulness doesn't negate the fact that she was denied growing up in her first family, and she has the right to feel about that however she wishes as she continues to understand it better, but for now I'm glad that she's glad to be in our family. We are sure glad that we get to know her and love her and watch her grow up!
Friday, June 13, 2014
Happy Family Day, Daniel!
Three years ago today, we met Daniel for the first time. We walked into our hotel, about half an hour before we were supposed to meet our guide/translator, hoping we could get into our room and get Esther down for a much-needed nap before our son arrived. And then I looked over to the side of the lobby, and there he was. It didn't seem quite right to pretend I hadn't seen him (though I was tempted!), so I walked over and nervously said hi to him and the orphanage staff member who had brought him. He was friendly and anxious to make himself helpful, although he had some odd mannerisms (like randomly jumping up in the air and clapping his hands!). I hoped the mannerisms were just nerves and I was right, as they were gone by the next morning, although some hyperactivity and the need to physically handle e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. in his environment were to linger for months.
Those are a few of my memories of the day. At the time, of course, I could only guess at what Daniel might be thinking and feeling. Three years later, he has told me some things about his experience of that day.
Whether to lessen his period of potential anxiety or to prevent the chance of his being devastated if we didn't come after all, the orphanage did not tell Daniel he was going to be adopted until June 11--two days before he became part of our family. They had hinted to him three months before that that they might have a family for him, but he had been skeptical, and anyway, they had not said more about it. So the news came as something of a shock! It also meant he didn't get to say some of his good-byes, as many of his older friends were already working or studying elsewhere and were not at the orphanage during the two days when he knew he was going to be leaving. He didn't get to visit foster family members who lived outside of the orphanage, either. So he spent a lot of his first afternoon with us using QQ on our laptop, informing various friends and acquaintances that he was being adopted and going to America.
I asked him recently if he had even wanted to be adopted at that point in his life. He has told me about an episode when he was ten, when he was recording music at a mentor's house. When it was time to return to the orphanage he started crying and insisted that he didn't want to go back. His mentor asked why, and Daniel told him that he wanted a family of his own and didn't want to go back to his orphanage life. (This was about the time the orphanage submitted his file for adoption; I have wondered if his mentor pushed them to do that.) On the other hand, Daniel had also mentioned to me once that right before he found out he was to be adopted, he had been looking forward to being the new "top dog" among the kids at the orphanage, as many of the kids a few years older than he were leaving for jobs or further education. So I suspected that the news that he was suddenly leaving for a new life complete with a set of strangers as his new family might not have been entirely welcome. And I was right. He came to us willingly, but he said that it was not necessarily his first choice, he "just do what I supposed to be do and leave the orphanage." He told his friend that he didn't want to leave, but his friend pointed out that we had already come for him, so he couldn't not leave. His friend encouraged him that he would have a better life with us, and Daniel agreed that it was likely so. He says that by the time he met us he was feeling excited that he wouldn't have to go back to the orphanage. He had seen a few kids sent back to the orphanage during the first 24 hours before the adoption was finalized because their new parents were overwhelmed by their behavior, so he worried a little bit about whether we would sign the paperwork the next day and he tried hard to be "good."
And while adoption is not for the faint of heart among parents, it is even more a leap off a cliff for kids! Daniel is glad to be in a family, and we are very blessed that from the beginning he wanted to identify with us and to make this family thing work. But he will tell you that coming to a new country is not easy. The language has not been easy, the culture has not been easy, education has definitely not been easy, and even learning to be a "family kid" instead of an "orphanage kid" has had its challenges. Sometimes--oftentimes--life here is just plain hard. There are so many new things to learn, there are higher (and sometimes confusing) expectations to meet, and every new opportunity to succeed is also an opportunity to feel like a failure. But, knowing what we know now, if we and he had the choice to make over again, we would choose to be family again in a heartbeat.
And while we gave him family, he has given us humor, passion and exuberance.
He can look normal, too. I promise!
These pictures were taken at youth group activities last summer:
So, today, we celebrate. We gave Daniel the choice of what to do, as we do with both kids on their Family Days. At first he wanted to go shopping in another city to investigate possibilities for his birthday present. But then he figured out what he wanted and we went ahead and got it while it was on sale, so shopping lost its appeal. Then he got excited about the possibility of going to a Go-Kart track...but we couldn't find one in the area. So we settled on eating good food and taking our periodic trip to another town to get Asian groceries. We will do the shopping and the eating out at Red Robin tomorrow, while our extra kids are having their first long Mommy visit of their transition home. Meanwhile, I made Daniel's favorite noodles for dinner, and he has been happily working on a plumbing project all evening. It's unfortunate that, like every other home improvement we tackle, it turned out to be more complicated than expected. He would probably be perfectly content to stay up till midnight working, but some of us are thinking of our beds! However, it will be nice to have the faucet in the hall bathroom no longer dripping, and we are proud of Daniel's good plumbing skills and the pleasure he takes in problem-solving.
Happy Family Day, Daniel! We're glad you're in our family.
Those are a few of my memories of the day. At the time, of course, I could only guess at what Daniel might be thinking and feeling. Three years later, he has told me some things about his experience of that day.
Whether to lessen his period of potential anxiety or to prevent the chance of his being devastated if we didn't come after all, the orphanage did not tell Daniel he was going to be adopted until June 11--two days before he became part of our family. They had hinted to him three months before that that they might have a family for him, but he had been skeptical, and anyway, they had not said more about it. So the news came as something of a shock! It also meant he didn't get to say some of his good-byes, as many of his older friends were already working or studying elsewhere and were not at the orphanage during the two days when he knew he was going to be leaving. He didn't get to visit foster family members who lived outside of the orphanage, either. So he spent a lot of his first afternoon with us using QQ on our laptop, informing various friends and acquaintances that he was being adopted and going to America.
I asked him recently if he had even wanted to be adopted at that point in his life. He has told me about an episode when he was ten, when he was recording music at a mentor's house. When it was time to return to the orphanage he started crying and insisted that he didn't want to go back. His mentor asked why, and Daniel told him that he wanted a family of his own and didn't want to go back to his orphanage life. (This was about the time the orphanage submitted his file for adoption; I have wondered if his mentor pushed them to do that.) On the other hand, Daniel had also mentioned to me once that right before he found out he was to be adopted, he had been looking forward to being the new "top dog" among the kids at the orphanage, as many of the kids a few years older than he were leaving for jobs or further education. So I suspected that the news that he was suddenly leaving for a new life complete with a set of strangers as his new family might not have been entirely welcome. And I was right. He came to us willingly, but he said that it was not necessarily his first choice, he "just do what I supposed to be do and leave the orphanage." He told his friend that he didn't want to leave, but his friend pointed out that we had already come for him, so he couldn't not leave. His friend encouraged him that he would have a better life with us, and Daniel agreed that it was likely so. He says that by the time he met us he was feeling excited that he wouldn't have to go back to the orphanage. He had seen a few kids sent back to the orphanage during the first 24 hours before the adoption was finalized because their new parents were overwhelmed by their behavior, so he worried a little bit about whether we would sign the paperwork the next day and he tried hard to be "good."
And while adoption is not for the faint of heart among parents, it is even more a leap off a cliff for kids! Daniel is glad to be in a family, and we are very blessed that from the beginning he wanted to identify with us and to make this family thing work. But he will tell you that coming to a new country is not easy. The language has not been easy, the culture has not been easy, education has definitely not been easy, and even learning to be a "family kid" instead of an "orphanage kid" has had its challenges. Sometimes--oftentimes--life here is just plain hard. There are so many new things to learn, there are higher (and sometimes confusing) expectations to meet, and every new opportunity to succeed is also an opportunity to feel like a failure. But, knowing what we know now, if we and he had the choice to make over again, we would choose to be family again in a heartbeat.
And while we gave him family, he has given us humor, passion and exuberance.
He can look normal, too. I promise!
These pictures were taken at youth group activities last summer:
Happy Family Day, Daniel! We're glad you're in our family.