First week of Advent

I wanted to write this last Sunday, which was the first day of Advent, but we have been without phone, and therefore without internet, for the past week. I'm not really sure why it's working today, but I'll take it!

Last week we kept Esther in the church service with us. She had been sick off and on during Thanksgiving week, including running a moderate fever on Thanksgiving evening, and she was still producing a hacking cough from time to time (without covering her mouth, naturally), so we were already debating whether she should be in with the other children. Then she ran another slight fever on Saturday evening, which sealed the deal. She did pretty well in the service--lots of wiggling and murmuring (mostly on the theme of "I want a bagel!"), but not loud enough to disturb any but our most immediate neighbors. I carried her with us when we went up to take communion. Of course when she saw the pieces of bread and little cups of juice, she asked, "May I have some?" I explained that this was special and she had to wait until she got bigger before she could eat it. She looked a little skeptical, so I whispered to her a little more about how the bread reminds us of when Jesus told his friends that some bread was his body, and that the juice reminds us of when Jesus told his friends that some wine was his blood. I added that Mommy and Daddy eat the bread and drink the juice to show that we want to follow Jesus. To which Esther responded, "May I follow Jesus?" I know she just wanted the bread, but it made me tear up! (I can't remember how I answered that--I think I might have said that yes, she could follow Jesus, but she still had to wait until she was bigger before she had the bread and juice.)

On Sunday evening we put up our Christmas tree. When we plugged in the lights for the first time, Esther grinned from ear to ear and started singing "Happy Birthday to you!" So we sang Happy Birthday to Jesus, and then Esther tried to blow out the lights. She was a little surprised when it didn't work.

Later that night we broke out our advent wreath. We have scripture readings for each night of advent--meaningful, but rather lengthy, and definitely not chosen with a two-year-old in mind. So we settled Esther with a handful of chocolate chips and a good view of the lit candle, and that worked pretty well. She stayed in her seat, and only occasionally interrupted with a "Happy Birthday to you!" She enthusiastically blew out the candle (with some help) when we were finished. Then she enjoyed sitting on the couch between us while we sang O Come, O Come Emmanuel. She hasn't quite gotten to the point yet where she can carry a tune (although she's getting close on Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star), and she didn't know the words, but that didn't stop her from vocalizing with gusto for a line or two. Then she got bored and squirmed down off the couch to go do something else.

We've continued including Esther in our advent readings this week, with the exception of a couple of late nights, and it's pretty special to have her joining in the tradition, even if she doesn't fully understand it yet. She was also able to help decorate the tree this year, and she has done much better than I expected at leaving the ornaments on the tree once they were put up. She will occasionally take one off the tree to admire it, but she hasn't been strewing them around the house. It's so fun sharing Christmas with her!

We're also doing a December count-down calendar with a nativity scene (she adds one character to the scene each day, with baby Jesus being the last one on December 25th), a special early gift from Aunt Debby.

The next tradition I'm looking forward to sharing with Esther is making sugar cookies! But today we have something at least equally fun--it's snowing!! And Esther just woke up from her afternoon nap, so I'm going to give her a snack, bundle her up, and take her out to play.

letter to Kaiyuan

This is the letter we recently sent back to Esther's orphanage:

October 21, 2009

Dear Kaiyuan staff,

I am happy to take the opportunity to update you on Wenjia Sidi! She has been doing very well in the 18 months since we became her parents, and we feel so blessed to have her as our daughter.

Si Di's development since we adopted her has been very good. Physically, she is a very coordinated child who started walking around her first birthday and hasn't slowed down since! She started talking later than most of her peers, but she quickly learned to communicate all sorts of ideas. She is eager to interact with adults and children, and has begun making friends in our neighborhood. She has always been very curious and observant about the world around her, and we are amazed by how much she can understand. Now, as a typical toddler, she is imitating whatever she sees adults doing, and insisting on doing things "myself!"

Si Di's favorite activity without question is playing outside. She loves to swing and climb on the playground, to make friends with other children, and to explore her natural environment. When she is inside, she likes to "help" with household chores, read books, watch TV, and play with toys. She always thinks it's exciting to go out somewhere, whether it's to the zoo or just to the grocery store, and the trip is even better if she gets to ride a bus.

Her personality now is much the same as it was described in the information we received before we adopted her. She still has a lot of energy, she still loves to eat, she still enjoys being teased, and she still easily accepts new food, toys, people and experiences. But her favorite people are always Mommy and Daddy! :-)

When people first meet our daughter, they usually comment on how happy she is, how friendly she is, or how much energy she has. She creates a lot of smiles wherever she goes! Meanwhile, people who know her well also describe her as sweet, intelligent, curious and daring.

All of Si Di's grandparents have had the chance to spend time with her, and they all dote on her. Unfortunately none of them live very close to us, but we visit each other whenever we can. Right now, I am still staying at home and taking care of Si Di full-time. We haven't decided yet when I will return to work.

We have always told Si Di that she was born in China and we came to China to adopt her when she was a baby. In the last couple of months she seems to have really started understanding that she is Chinese. She likes to look at her photos from China, and she tries to "speak Chinese." (She does know a few real words of Chinese, but mostly she says nonsense syllables like she did when she was first learning English.) She proudly says, "MY China!" We have tried to help her keep a connection to her birth culture by spending time with Chinese friends, helping her to learn some Chinese words, and adopting a few Chinese customs (like eating jiaozi with chopsticks--one of her favorite meals!). We are looking forward to traveling in China with her when she is older.

My grandmother has commented many times that it is obvious that Si Di was well cared for as an infant, because she must have experienced love in order to be able to give and receive love so freely. Thank you again for your care for her when she needed it most. She is precious beyond words, and we hope we can bring her back to visit you in the future so you can see for yourselves how well she is growing up!

Gratefully,

Linette Corrigan (and Tim Corrigan), adoptive parents of Esther Si Di Corrigan

Halloween

Last year we put Esther in a costume for Halloween, but didn't do any trick-or-treating. This year, we were invited to a Halloween party at a little friend's house. So we enjoyed party festivities and a yummy dinner from 4-6, and then went trick-or-treating around the block as a group afterwards. I think Esther's first Halloween was a mostly positive experience. She liked dressing up (although when she woke up from her nap right before the party she announced that she wanted to be a cat, and kept trying to take her dancer dress off). She loved getting candy in her pumpkin basket. She was intrigued by (though a little wary of) the person in a gorilla costume at one house. (She said, "Hug diwwa?" I told her that would be fine, but then she reconsidered and said, "Mommy hug diwwa!" I didn't.) But she was rather unnerved by a child in a "Scream" mask, and talked anxiously about masks most of the way home.

Anyway, we have zillions of pictures, but here are a few that give an idea of our evening.

Esther the beautiful dancer

Most of the kids at the party

House # 1! Trick-or-treat!

Later, surveying the loot

Let's see what's in here...

Yum, chocolate coins!

And Esther's favorite, a "wowwipop"

fall fun

I realized I haven't posted pictures in a while. So here are a few for you to enjoy!

This picture was taken at our church's harvest celebration. Every child got to pick out a pumpkin from the church's farm. Can you tell that Esther is proud of hers?

After pumpkin-picking and a potluck lunch, there were games and activities for all. This was originally a find-the-candy-in-the-hay station, but the candy was gone by the time we got there. So Esther played in the hay instead.

Note the strands of hay in her hair! She had been throwing it up in the air and letting it fall down on her.

Some of the bigger kids buried each in hay. Then Esther got a turn!

Later in the afternoon we went for a walk at a nearby park. What a lovely day!

first pun, and other quirks of language

I've always said I thought children were more interesting when they could talk. Although of course I'd glad we got to enjoy Esther's baby stage with her, she really is becoming more interesting day by day! I love it that she can tell us things she's thinking that we wouldn't have been able to guess by ourselves. And I love her unique ways of saying things, as well as the times she sounds like a mini-adult. So, here are some of the memorable things that have come out of her mouth recently.

Not having enough years of exposure to language for homophones to have become old hat, Esther notices correlations between words that don't occur to most adults. It took me days to figure out why she was gazing at her training pants and saying, "Choo choo" (Get it? TRAINing pants?) But in that case, she was simply recognizing that the two words sounded the same; I don't think it was a deliberate pun. Fast-forward a couple of months. For a while during the summer, Esther was obsessed with blowing bubbles, asking to blow bubbles several times a day. Earlier this month, when Grandma Corrigan was visiting us, she bought Esther a stuffed otter named "Bubbles." The other day when I got Esther up from her nap, she blew on Bubbles' fur, looked at me with a big grin, and said, "I blow bubbles!" As far as I know, that is her first pun!

Sometimes when Esther is getting into something that is not explicitly forbidden, but that I really don't want her to do, I'll tell her, "That's not very helpful." So one day not too long ago I was sitting on the couch looking at something when I heard a small voice remark, "That's not very helpful!" So I turned around, and sure enough, she was busily removing our DVDs from their shelves. On another occasion, she told me, "I not being very helpful."

Esther would happily carry her blankie around with her all day if we let her, but in general, blankie is made to stay in the crib. So usually at least once a day Esther will want to get into her crib and have a little snuggle time with blankie. The other day she communicated this need by announcing, "I sweeby! boing, boing, boing!" (with a jump on every boing). I thought, suuureyou're sleepy! She is also into imitating frogs lately. For no apparent reason she'll start hopping forward and saying, "Ribbit, hop, hop, hop."

Imagine the following scenario. I suggest, "How about some ice cream for dessert?" Esther responds, "I do, I do, I do!" The grammar is a little funky, but it makes sense. Well, as far as Esther is concerned, "I do, I do, I do" is a multi-purpose phrase. One evening we arrived at Grace Fellowship, and after recognizing the place, Esther exclaimed, arms and legs flailing in anticipation of her release from her carseat, "Here we are! I do, I do, I do!!"

Recently, Esther has been quoting a lot. I guess it's because we've been reading books with dialog in them. Some examples: (while looking at a picture of a dragon hugging a boy): "'Mmmm,' says dragon." (at the zoo): "'Come on!' says horses." (waiting for Mommy to unlock the door after a trip to the laundry room): "'Wait door open,' laundry basket says." I'm a little dubious about talking laundry baskets, but her intonation for quotes is perfect!

As a natural-born climber, Esther has a long-standing fascination with the stepladders that one sometimes finds in the aisles of stores. She has heard me say many times (as she made a beeline for the steps) , "Those are for employees. You're not an employee." Recently we were walking through Sears for our rainy-day recreation when we found an empty clothes rack on wheels that she wanted to push around. I informed her that it was for employees, so as she walked away she announced, "I not employee. I'm a baby."

Esther has begun to sing familiar songs (or snatches of them) on a regular basis. Not that you would necessarily know, when hearing her intone loudly in the back seat of the car, "Teetle teetle witty stah," what is going on. But if you are familiar with her pronunciation, and able to overlook the lack of recognizable melody, you may recognize that she is singing "Twinkle, twinkle, little star."

As a toddler, Esther naturally imitates what other people say around her. Sometimes the imitation is an immediate echo; other times it shows up in unexpected places. This can be unnerving: the other morning, Tim was nonplussed to hear her exclaim, "Gosh darn it!" when something fell off the table. Other times it's just funny, like when you explain something to her and she nods sagely and says, "That makes sense." We were also amused on our most recent trip to Grandma Pack's house, when Grandma offered a solution to some circumstance that Esther was concerned about and Esther responded brightly, "That'll work!"

Esther's Chinese vocabulary has increased a little as well. Lately, when I give her something, she's been exclaiming, "Xiexie Yeye!" (Thank-you Grandpa!). No doubt she learned the phrase from her "Nihao Kai-lan" DVD. I made a big dramatic production out of saying, "Wo bushi Yeye, wo shi Mama!" (I'm not Grandpa, I'm Mommy!), and I think she understands, but she thinks it's hilarious, so she continues to say, "Xiexie Yeye."

Esther's language skills in general are progressing. She has, of course, some quirks in grammar (and many still in pronunciation), but four plus word sentences are not unusual for her, and she occasionally comes out with sophisticated sentences like "My bib is in the living room." And the other day she correctly used a grammatical construction (I think it was "I don't either") that I remember being challenging for my college students in China! She is using a variety of pronouns, though not always correctly: when she spotted a little friend that she had been looking for on the playground, she said, "There's him!" And she has begun overgeneralizing: lately she's been going around declaring, "That's mines!" And she sometimes leaves out a verb. Helping verbs are particularly prone to omission (she says "I riding my scooter," not "I'm riding my scooter"), but sometimes there is no verb at all. The day after Tim's birthday, she went into the kitchen and found him cutting himself a piece of cake, whereupon she exclaimed, "I cake too!!" Occasionally her grammar gets creative, as when she abjured me recently, "No fall me down!" (i.e. don't drop me--I'm sure she was making an analogy with "pick me up").

I could probably think of more examples, but I've been working on this post for a while and it's time to get it posted!

Mid-Autumn Day

On Saturday, Mid-Autumn Day (aka Moon Festival), we ate mooncakes and looked at the moon (not at the same time). And I tried to introduce a little more to Esther about her birth family. I ended up checking out of the library a couple of books about where babies are before they're born, and on Saturday morning I read one to Esther called "Everybody has a bellybutton." I liked that one because it didn't go into much detail about conception and birth, but showed how a baby grows inside its mother's body. I also liked it because it was primarily focused on the child's development, not the experiences of the waiting family. Some of the other books I read emphasized how the child's loving family prepared for their arrival, which is great reading for most children, but not particularly helpful in our case. So anyway, I read the book to Esther and she listened some and wiggled some and didn't seem to be absorbing much. However, she must have been paying more attention than I thought, because for the next several days she would randomly announce, "My birfmuvver tummy, I tum OUT!" And then she looks very pleased with herself.

It's interesting, because I don't think I would have thought to bring up that subject with a two-year-old under ordinary circumstances. And most of the books are clearly aimed at a slightly older age. But I seem to have hit the right developmental stage. I guess it makes sense, since two-year-olds are working on forming their own separate identity, and where you come from is an important part of your identity. And it probably doesn't hurt that several of her little friends have recently acquired baby brothers or sisters, and she's seen their pregnant mothers and then seen (or heard about) the new baby.

I'm not exactly sure how much Esther understands about her birth family so far. But we'll continue talking about it, I'm sure. Meanwhile, it's just fascinating to watch how she processes things.

interesting conversation

In light of my recent post on the topic of Esther's Chinese heritage, I thought I'd share the conversation Esther and I had last night. As I was putting her to bed, out of the blue she announced, "MY China." Well, maybe not quite out of the blue. I had earlier included her birth family in our bedtime prayer, and I think I referred to them as her "birth family in China." But anyway, here is how the conversation went:

Esther: MY China.

Mommy (trying not to act too surprised): Yes, you come from China.

Esther: Little.

Mommy: That's right, we came to China and got you when you were little.

Esther: Blankie.

Mommy: And we brought your green blankie and gave it to you in China.

Esther smiled and settled into her blankie, and the conversation was over. We tell her regularly, of course, that she used to live in China and that we came and adopted her there. And I have mentioned several times that we brought her green blanket with us when we came to China to adopt her. But it is interesting to see how she's starting to "own" these narratives.

I wish our library had a picture book about the birth family side of adoption. This coming Saturday is Mid-Autumn festival. It's very much like Thanksgiving in that it's basically a celebration of harvest and family togetherness. It seems like a good day to remember Esther's family of origin. Last year we missed the festival altogether because I wasn't paying attention to the calendar. But this year we have already bought our mooncakes (a traditional Mid-Autumn Day food), and on Saturday we're going to eat mooncakes and talk about Esther's birth family.

sad and happy

For the last month or two, Esther has been naming feelings. So far, she can describe herself as sad, happy or excited. So here are a couple of vignettes about her being sad and happy. The first one I've been reluctant to put down on paper because it's such an "I-should-have-known-better" moment...but I knew going into this that I was going to hurt her sometimes, despite my best intentions, so I guess I can be honest about it. :-( The second story, hopefully, will be an antidote!

Sad

I was trying to rinse a couple of items of clothing out in the bathroom, but a task that should have taken less than two minutes was dragging on and on because I had to keep dropping the clothes and turning around to get Esther out of some mischief. Finally, I said (calmly), "I think I'd do better without you," and I put her outside and closed the door. After quickly finishing my task, I went to look for her and found her leaning against the couch, sobbing her little heart out. Poor baby! Of course I held her and reassured her that I love her and all I was trying to do was finish my task without interference. But I still regret my choice of wording.

Happy

When I put Esther to bed, I often tell her, "I love you, and Daddy loves you, and Jesus loves you most of all." Sometimes we add other people into the list, too. So several weeks ago I told her, "I love you." She responded, "Daddy wuvs you?" "Yes," I agreed, "Daddy loves you." She asked, "People?" Again, I agreed, "Yes, lots of people love you!" And she said, "Happy."

being Chinese

One of the major challenges facing parents who have adopted cross-culturally is how to teach our children how to be something that we aren't. In this case, Chinese.

In some ways, I feel pretty well prepared. Having spent two years in China and a large chunk of my formative years in Thailand, I feel like I have some intuitive sense, albeit an incomplete one, of what it feels like to view the world as an Asian. Unfortunately, that doesn't help much with understanding how it feels to have the world view me as Asian. A book I was reading recently pointed out that in this country, people of European ancestry are apt to be viewed as individuals, representative of no-one but themselves, but minorities are apt to be viewed as representatives of their ethnic groups. So they may be judged by whatever stereotypes are attached to their ethnic group, and they in turn may influence how their group is judged. Since reading that, I've witnessed some interactions on the playground of our apartment complex that I think illustrate this dynamic.

1. Esther was playing near, and trying to get the attention of, a little girl of around kindergarten age. An older cousin (I think) of the little girl saw Esther kicking at woodchips near the girl and said, "Don't kick her!" The girl's father answered, "Don't worry, she's not mean like that other Chinese kid." [The child in question is Vietnamese, but I've heard other kids refer to him as Chinese on several occasions...and yes, he is sorely lacking in social skills, although he's getting better.]

2. Two elementary-age girls on the swings were discussing the idiosyncracies of a classmate. One said to the other, "He's not weird, he's just Chinese." Which, to me, could be taken as meaning that Chinese people are normally weird (or that immigrants are normally weird, depending on the context).

3. An elementary-age girl who had just met Esther and was quite taken with her was introducing her to her friend. She explained, "She's Chinese! That's why she's so cute." (And if that sounds like a perfectly normal thing to say, try to imagine someone saying, "She's white! That's why she's so cute." They just wouldn't--not, I think, because it would be snobbish, but because whiteness is our mental default setting and doesn't get noticed. Mind you, I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear that statement in China.)

So, even in this very diverse area, and even setting aside identity issues related to adoption, Esther's Chineseness is likely to be more complicated for her than my Europeanness is for me. And helping her navigate that is going to be a challenge, but for the moment it's still a future challenge.

What is important now is that she begin forming a positive identity, not just as a human being and a girl, but also as an Asian-American. There are definitely "best practices" out there for adoptive parents to follow. We--and she--have relationships with a Chinese community: check. We have incorporated some elements of Chinese culture (artifacts, foods and holidays) into our lives: check. We not only expose her to the Chinese language but demonstrate value for it ourselves: check. I don't have any illusions that she will be remotely bilingual or bicultural as a result of our superficial efforts (by superficial here I don't mean careless or insincere, just that they inevitably only touch the surface of our lives together). But I hope she will be able to take pride in the accomplishments of both her Chinese and European forbears, and if she wants to immerse herself in her birth language and culture at some point, I hope she will have a good foundation for doing so. So we tell her that she's Chinese, and teach her some words in Chinese, and talk about how she used to live in China. And I think it's sinking in.

Sometimes when I don't have a timer handy, I will count to mark time. I usually ask Esther if she wants me to count in English or Chinese, and she often chooses Chinese. She herself can count as well (or as badly, depending on how you look at it!) in Chinese as in English.

Esther knows which of our books are in English and which (several children's picture books and textbooks) are Chinese. She will sometimes look at the Chinese books and speak fake Chinese (that is, she'll produce Chinese-sounding syllables, but they're not any words that she knows). She does also know a few words in Chinese, and uses them from time to time.

We have a two-sided embroidery from China which is in a rotatable frame. Esther loves to push the frame and make it go around. The other morning we had it out on the floor and I told her that it was from China, and people in China make a lot of beautiful things. She looked very pleased and announced, "My China!" (Although to be fair, this doesn't necessarily mean that she associates herself with China; anything that she likes or wants these days is "mine." But at the very least, it means that China is something she thinks is desirable.)

When we were at my grandmother's house over Labor Day weekend, Esther saw the referral picture we got of her, taken when she was five months old, and called it "baby Serena" (a little friend who is about four months old and also similar coloring). We told her it was a picture of herself as a baby. Later in the library she saw a picture of a baby from southern China and called it "baby Esther."

From time to time I mention something to Esther about her birth family. Tonight we prayed for her birth family, and she echoed, "buf famy." I told her that she has a birth family in China and she smiled. A few minutes later, in the middle of her lullaby, she piped up, "family." So I told her that she has a family here (naming off some of the closest members) who all love her, and she also has a birth family in China who are Chinese, like her. She looked very pleased.

Morning Mystery

This morning, after waking us up, Esther announced that she was "poopy" (which usually means she's wet). I went to pick her up out of her crib, and sure enough, she was soaked. So I groggily set her down on the floor and removed her socks and pants. I don't specifically remember removing her diaper. Nor do I remember not removing her diaper. I know I was sleepy, but I would have thought I would notice if she wasn't wearing one. Wouldn't I?

Anyway, later in our morning routine I started looking for the diaper to throw it away, but the only diaper I could find was a completely dry, unfolded one near Esther's crib. There was no wet diaper on the floor, no wet diaper in the bathroom trash, and no wet diaper in the kitchen trash. (Not to mention no wet diaper in my memory.) Her sheets WERE even wetter than they usually are when her diaper overflows. So my best guess is that before she went to sleep last night, Esther pulled down her pajama pants, removed her diaper and dropped it out of her crib, then pulled her pants back up and proceeded to sleep that way for the rest of the night. Or else I'm going crazy. That would explain it, too.

guessing game (and other random funnies)

The following scenario took place several times. I was in the kitchen, and Esther was in her chair at the table. She was urgently trying to tell me something, which I couldn't make heads or tails of. My brain was attempting to impose words on the sounds I was hearing: Daddy's tops? Debby's chips? Finally I looked out the window--and realized she was trying to tell me about the garbage truck.

In general her pronunciation is becoming clearer. Elephant has gone from "EHfowee" to "Ehwfee," lotion has gone from "wowie" to "woeshee," pool has gone from "puwee" to "puwa," and so on. But there are still a few words for which I've just had to memorize the pronunciation. See if you can match the following pronunciations with their meanings:

1. dupdups a. big toilet

2. chuicy (rhymes with juicy) b. tissue

3. bid toity c. squirrel

4. icy peas d. sandals

5. seeuhwee e. chapstick

6. steu (vowel as in good) f. thank you

7. dadeu g. ice cream, please

Answers: 1e, 2b, 3a, 4g, 5d, 6c, 7f

And now for the random funniness:

A few days ago we were loading up our groceries after shopping when a woman walked by us ranting. Who she was ranting at was not clear, nor did I catch most of what she was saying. But just as she walked by us she was declaring, "I get back from work and I take my clothes off...". Esther looked up at me and said, "MY clothes off!"

In a similar spirit, the other day she was eating with only a shirt on. (Did I mention we're potty training?) She manage to remove it herself, and gleefully announced, "Naky baby!!"

Esther has discovered that Tim and I have other names names besides Mommy and Daddy. She will often call Tim "Tim," especially if she is calling for him from a distance. And sometimes she calls me "Honey." (Maybe "Linette" is too hard to pronounce?) Yesterday we were at a large gathering and Tim was watching her, but she wanted to find me so she could get some more food from her bowl. So I hear this little voice calling through the crowd, "Mommy, honey?"

When Tim and I eat something that is a particular delicacy--like good chocolate!--we have developed a whimsical habit of tapping our pieces together and saying "cheers!" Esther has picked up that habit with a vengeance. She will do "cheers" with any two things that match: two crackers, two cups, two dish sponges...or even two tricycles (she was on one; a neighbor boy was on the other; thankfully, no-one got hurt). She likes to have someone else join her in the cheers, but if no-one else is handy she will hold one item in each hand, knock them together, and say "cheers!"

Yesterday Esther and I rode the bus to try out a new park (which turned out to have a very cool playground!). Toddler that she is, she was being very possessive. As in, she objected to another passenger holding on to the same pole she was holding on the bus, and when another child got in the swing next to hers she said "mine!" and started to run over to claim it. So I had to laugh when she started climbing a (very wide) ladder and another two-year-old grabbed it possessively and said "No! MINE!" Esther looked a little confused, so I reassured her that it was okay, there was plenty of room for both of them to use the ladder and she could go ahead up. So she did, and then turned around and told the little boy in her bossiest voice, "Share!" Um, Esther, did you ever hear the saying about practicing what you preach?

language explosion, part two

Once Esther's vocabulary was off and running, her language started to become more complex. Around the end of April, when she was almost 22 months, she began putting words together. Her first phrase was either "bird fly" (the only reason we're not certain about that is because it was the first time either one of us had heard her use the word "fly") on April 28th or "up steps" on May 2nd.

During the month after that, she began adding grammar. First, if I remember correctly, were the pronouns. Esther astounded me by using "I," "me" and "mine" correctly, even though pronouns tend to be very confusing for small children. Unlike many children, she never really referred to herself as "Esther"; it was "I" and "me" from the beginning. She is just now starting to refer to pictures of herself as "Esther," but when somebody asks her name she usually just stares at them (once she answered "baby.") I suppose her correct use of the pronouns is facilitated by two factors: much of what she has to say is about herself, and she doesn't know any other pronouns. Well, now she's starting to use "you" in stock phrases like "I love you" (I wuv you) and "See you later" (see you wayduh). But a while back when she wanted me to throw something away for her, it came out, "I throw away...Mommy?" (I fowway, Mommy?).

Another early piece of her grammar was the 's' sound of "is." I was never quite sure whether she meant "it's," "where's," or "there's," but for a while almost every noun was prefaced with "ess." So when she saw a bicycle, she announced, "ssbye!" and when she saw a car that reminded her of ours, she said, "ssDaddy tah!" She also frequently asked me (when Tim wasn't home), "ssDaddy?"

She also picked up rather quickly on the article "a" and used it liberally, to the point that I wondered if she really thought that "bite" begins with an "uh" sound.

Now, at 25 months, Esther has added to her grammatical repertoire (more pronouns and prepositions, as well as question words) and it makes for some entertaining sentences! Some examples:

(After refusing the crackers I was offereing her): "I want this one!" (pointing in the general direction of the kitchen, where "this one" was presumably located)

(When she tilted her water bottle up too high and got water in her nose): "Spill my nose"

(While potty training): "Nobody poops" (wishful thinking, that one!) and "Wet comes out me"

(When I told her not to get her nose in the bath water or she might choke): "Why choke?"

(While listening to a cicada): "What tady doing here?"

(When I asked her if she wanted to do something): "Yes. I do!"

(When I said she could do something if she wished): "I wish!"

Most of her conversation, however, still consists of single words or short phrases. Here are some examples:

Esther: Dead bug.

Mommy: Yes, there's a dead bug on the step.

Esther (putting her nose two inches from the bug): Stare me!

Mommy: Does the bug scare you?

Esther (happily): Me too!

Esther: Tady!

Mommy: You're right, I hear the cicada too!

(The cicada stops singing)

Esther: Shh. Sweeeby!

Mommy: Do you think the cicada's sleeping?

Esther: Byedee!

Mommy: Um, cicada's don't use blankies.

(As far is Esther is concerned, anyone she can't see or hear is sleeping. With a blankie. Blankies are very, VERY important.)

It's so fun being able to have actual conversations with her!

More birthday photos

After our blueberry picking expedition, we and our friends headed to a picnic shelter at a state park for lunch, cupcakes and presents. None of the kids ate much lunch (I wonder why!). After lunch, and some playtime, we decorated cupcakes.

Can I pick up the whole plate and put it to my mouth?

More sprinkles, please! (I'm not sure how many of the kids actually ate a whole cupcake--Esther didn't--but they sure enjoyed decorating them!)

"Happy Birthday, dear Esther!" Despite having blown out candles like a pro at several recent celebrations, at her "real" party Esther acted like she had never seen a candle before. She kept sticking her face and hands up to the flame and saying "hot!" but she wouldn't blow them out for anything. Mommy finally got impatient and did it for her!

Apparently, pulling candles out is more fun than blowing them out.

Esther and the other kids had fun banging with sticks on the metal railing. In fact, we had a hard time enticing her away from her sticks to open presents!

This particular gift rated immediate wearing.

And then she went back to her sticks.

After the party, we took a quick family walk. Esther was very interested in a large millipede that we found. I tried to show her how it would roll up into a ball if prodded with a stick, but all it did was turn around and start crawling towards her. She jumped up with a slightly alarmed expression, declared, "space!" and backed up several feet so the millipede had plenty of room to navigate. Esther also enjoyed watching a couple of horses that we met on the trail.

All partied out, on the drive home.

Esther's absolute favorite food for the past year has been blueberries. Her birthday just happens to coincide with blueberry season. So, for her second birthday, we invited her little friends and their families to come join us at a pick-your-own farm to pick blueberries. Here is how Esther's morning went:

On our way to the farm, raring to go!

Getting a lesson in how to pick (and which berries to choose).

Sampling a few berries.

And a few more...

How many berries are in the bucket?

Picking...

...and eating.

Yum!!

Funny...I could have sworn this shirt fit a couple of hours ago!

Language Explosion

At 16 months, Esther was not talking. No Dada and Mama, nothing. By 17 months she had one word: there ("deh"). Slowly she began adding others...down, up, tick (as in the sound a clock makes)...and by her 18-month check-up she had maybe six words that we were pretty sure really were words. I think we barely avoided getting sent to speech therapy!

Then suddenly, towards the end of her 21st month, her vocabulary took off! By the end of that month she had at least 30 words. (Her first 30 included some usual suspects, like no, baby, Daddy ("Dada") and this ("dis"), and some very, um, unique choices, like Sears ("Seeuh") and shock ("sha," meaning a static electricity shock which she got going down the slide). By 20 1/2 months she was consistently adding two or three new words a day, and by 22 1/4 months she was up to about 60 words, including, finally, Mama! (At first she still didn't address me as Mama, but would point to a picture of me and say Mama.) After that point I stopped keeping track, but I would guess she's said at least a couple hundred by now. (My criteria for counting a word as a word are that it has to be said spontaneously, not just as a repetition of something someone else has just said, and that it has to be said in a context where it makes sense.)

Mind you, it's not always easy to recognize a word! At first, many words sounded alike. Humidifier, firehat, and her friend Safina were all "fie." Ball, bus and diaper were all "ba." Car and doll were both "dah." Usually the only reason I understood what she was saying was context! But it has been fascinating to watch her language develop, and it has put me back into linguist mode.

I remember, for instance, that in my second language acquisition class we were introduced to the concept of an "interlanguage." This is a regular system used by a learner (the human brain is a great regularizer!) which matches neither the learner's native language nor the target language. Well, Esther's language development is essentially first language acquisition, despite her experience with Chinese, but I can definitely see an interlanguage at work. For the most part, she follows very regular rules in translating English words into her own pronunciation. At the beginning, her rules for syllables would have looked something like this: All words are one syllable and all syllables are open (that is, they end with a vowel and not a consonant). When she first began producing words with two syllables, she usually used two matching syllables (Dada, Mama, "bear-bear" for her panda bear, and "bee-bee" for blanket, baby or bellybutton--Tim pointed out that there was great potential for confusion if people saw Esther pointing at my tummy and saying "bee-bee"!) Now she can pronounce multiple different syllables, but she is going through a phase where the final syllable of new multisyllabic words ends in "ee." So her friend Noah is "noewee," stroller is "stoewee," an umbrella is "UHbehwee," elephant is "EHfoewee," and the swimming pool (unfortunately) is "puwee." For a while, lotion and rolling were both "wowee" (lotion has now graduated to being "woeshee"). When Tim was putting on lotion one day and she was saying "wowee" and rubbing her arm, he understandablyt thought she was trying to tell him that her arm hurt--but actually she was telling him that she wanted lotion on her arm. Interestingly, her rules don't seem to apply to words that she started saying before they were formulated. Despite her not putting final consonants on syllables until recently, three of her very early words (this, mine and five) have all had the correct final consonant from the beginning. And the "wee" rule doesn't seem to apply to, say, apple, which she has been pronouncing completely correctly for a while now.

Another tidbit from linguistics is the concept of underlying form, the idea that our mental representation of a linguistic structure may contain more information than is evident from the language that we actually produce. Well, one characteristic of English is that vowel length and quality is affected by the following consonant. Vowels followed by voiceless stop consonants (/p/ /t/ and /k/) are shorter than vowels followed by other consonants. And even though Esther wasn't pronouncing final consonants, the vowels were being affected by the consonants that should have been there! For example, even though the words on and off were both "aw," I could tell the difference because the length was different. Fascinating! At about 23 months she started adding in the final consonants on words like off, bus and step. As for milk...well, that will come up in another paragraph!

Another fascinating set of rules in Esther's interlanguage has to do with how she handles sounds she can't pronounce. Right now she can't pronounce /r/ at the beginning of a word or /l/ anywhere in a word, so she substitutes /w/, which is a pretty common speech characteristic of young children. She also substitutes /f/ for /th/--again, very common. The other sounds she has trouble with are the velar consonants (/k/ and /g/ and presumably /ng/), and that is where things really get interesting. This particular difficulty is not unusual in young children, and the normal "fix" is to substitute /t/ for /k/ and /d/ for /g/. Esther does that sometimes: go is "doe," for example. But when there is another consonant in the word, Esther will sometimes borrow the characteristics of THAT consonant to substitute for the one she can't pronounce. So grape is not "day" but "bay." Scoop is not "stoo" but "spoo" (or occasionally "poo" or "poop"). Catch is not "teh" but "cheh." And milk went through a month of being not "miwt" but "miwp." However, cup and cap were "tuh" and "tae," so the rule wasn't completely regular--or at any rate, I couldn't figure out the subtleties. (As of this writing, more than a month after I began work on this entry, most if not all of these pronunciations have disappeared, and she is now substituting /t/ and /d/ as one would expect.)

moral development

I've been fascinated lately to see how Esther's sense of morality is developing.  Actually, I was interested enough to do a little internet research on typical child moral development, but mostly all I could find were summaries of a certain person's theory that lumped ages 1-6 into one category.  If my memory serves, this stage was dubbed pre-conventional morality, and children's moral behavior throughout this stage is supposedly driven by the desire to avoid punishment.  Thus, young children's sense of right and wrong (according to this theory) is externally based rather than internally based.  

Wherever Esther's ideas of morality come from, she certainly has them.  There have been a couple of occasions recently where she saw another child breaking one of the rules I have for her.  Once a young houseguest was fiddling with the knobs on the stove, and once a little neighbor was walking onto someone else's private patio.  On both occasions, Esther said, "No!  No!" to the other child and sounded almost distressed.  She also looked at me as if she wanted me to intevene.  (I did redirect the child at the stove, but not the one on the patio.  Esther eventually followed the little boy onto the patio.)

I also remember reading a fascinating study done with very young children where the child was put into a room with an interesting object and observed.  An adult would then walk into the room and either behave neutrally or react to the object with disgust.  If the adult reacted with disgust, the child would decrease the amount of time they spent looking at or interacting with the object, even though the adult made no effort to dissuade the child from engaging with the object.  Once the adult left the room, however, the child would again pay attention to the object.  So it seems that a motivation to please adults is present, but that the child may not internalize the values of the adult they are trying to please.

Along these lines, the other day Esther walked up to me to show me something, but she had a very strange expression on her face.  I finally figured out that she had a piece of cereal in her mouth (which she had swiped from the table, breaking a rule) and was trying very hard not to open her mouth or chew so that I wouldn't find out what she had done.  So her desire to please me was strong enough that she didn't want me to know she had disobeyed, but not strong enough to obey in the first place.  Sigh.  I guess I have to be on the lookout for deception from now on!  (There have also been a couple of times recently when I've caught her playing with something she wasn't supposed to have, and she's jumped almost out of her skin and tried to put the object back where it belongs as quickly as possible.  Some of the misdeeds were a little hard to disguise, like when she unrolled a tube of toilet paper in her crib!)

Easter fun

We had a beautiful Easter. The church service was a moving celebration not only of Jesus' resurrection but of the new life that he makes possible in everyone. Then after an Easter egg hunt for the kids in our community group and a quick nap, we headed out to spend the afternoon with dear friends from our community group, eating delicious food, talking and singing.

Besides a beautiful Easter, we had a beautiful Esther! We took lots of pictures of her in her Easter dress, and so many of them turned out well that it's hard to decide which to post. But here are a few.



"These eggs have good stuff in them!"


















Methodically checking out the loot.













Family portrait












And a beautiful girl in a beautiful dress!

celebrating Family Day

We weren't quite sure what would be the best way to celebrate Family Day with a child too young to understand what the fuss was all about. But we definitely wanted it to be a special day for Esther, and we wanted to somehow affirm her history of becoming part of our family.

For the "special" part, we decided to go with special food. For all of Esther's meals that day, I picked out foods I know she really likes. Here was her menu:

Breakfast: a milk box, oatmeal, and hot chocolate
Lunch: strawberries, sardines, and toast with vegemite
Snack: grapes and a ginger snap
Dinner: rotisserie chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, and 4 ounces of blueberries

I think the pictures demonstrate how she felt about the blueberries!

For the history part, we gave Esther a photo album with pictures taken of her in China before we met her and pictures from our adoption trip. I "read" it to her a couple of times during the day, and she seemed to enjoy it.

Esther's first Family Day

One year ago today, two dazed and exhausted adults entered a Civil Affairs office in Kunming, China, to meet a small, curious baby with a lot of hair who was going to be part of their family forever. It probably wasn't a very good day for the baby. These strangers with their big noses and funny way of talking weren't all bad, of course. They carried her almost the whole rest of the day, and they never had to put her down to tend to somebody else. But they didn't know the right way to fix her bottle, and she was hungry and tired and everything was strange. At night, instead of sleeping in her own little crib, with the other babies in their little cribs all around her and a familiar ayi to watch over her, she was put to bed in a big crib with no-one else in the room but the two strangers. No wonder she cried herself to sleep!

But this was a baby who knew how to make the best of things. Even on that first day, she tried new foods and laughed at her new parents' silliness. Before long, she had decided that she liked these people and wanted to stick with them. And her parents learned, too: the right way to fix a bottle, what kinds of things she liked to play with, how to tell when she was sleepy, and where her tickle spots were. All the transitions from hotel to hotel were hard, but as time went by, the three began to feel more and more liked they belonged together.

Looking back, it's amazing how much can happen in a year.

The baby who, at nine and a half months, was on the cusp of crawling and could barely sit up straight is now a toddler who walks confidently up and down steps (sometimes without holding on to anything!), launches herself gleefully down the highest slide on the playground, and climbs anything we'll let her (as well as a few things we'd rather she didn't).

The baby who was used to getting most of her nutrition from a bottle (but LOVED trying solids) is now a toddler who will still eat anything, but only if she can feed it to herself, preferably with a spoon or fork.

The baby who loved fingering objects with interesting textures is now a toddler who can open and close locks and take the lids off all sorts of containers.

Most importantly, the baby who wasn't too sure about being left with these strangers now gives us hugs and demands kisses; quiets down instantly when we pick her up after a bad dream; revels in our attention; and copies such random details of our (often unconscious!) behavior that she leaves us in stitches.

Then there are some things that haven't changed! When we got our referral for her, it contained some information about her habits and personality. As we got to know her, we discovered that whoever had written the information up must have known her pretty well, because it was spot-on! Here are some of our favorite excerpts:

1. "When she sees food, she wants to eat." We quoted this a lot during our first weeks together! We learned pretty early on in our history with Esther and bottles that the minute she saw a bottle she would cry for it until it was in her mouth, so we had to try not to let her see us during the preparation phase. We also couldn't eat in front of her unless she was eating too, which meant eating in shifts the entire time we were in China. Even now, she will kick up a huge fuss if we eat anything in front of her that she can't have (like nuts). This child loves food! Another comment in her report was that "She can accept food that she's never eaten before," and that is still true as well. When we were in China we switched formulas and flavors of rice porridge on her several times, and she either didn't notice or didn't care. She will try absolutely anything, and likes almost everything, including raw onion, vegemite, and fresh, unsweetened cranberries. She does not, however, care for Swiss cheese. Oh, I don't think she cares for spicy hot food either. I gave her some once, and she not only ate very little, but rubbed her tongue afterwards.

2. "very active, high-energy" Yes, it does require both adjectives to adequately describe our girl! One of the most frequent comments we get about her is, "She has a lot of energy, doesn't she?" (Maybe that explains why a child who loves to eat as much as she does is barely on the bottom of the growth chart for weight! It certainly explains why I've lost weight in the last year.) Esther loves to be on the go, and would probably spend all day outside if I were willing to stay out all day with her. (This morning I got out of the shower--with wet hair--to find Esther with her shoes on, waiting to drag me to the door. She was quite offended when I wouldn't take her outside to play in the steady rain and 50-degree temperatures.)

3. "loves to listen to music" And loves to have one of us dance her around to music! That can get tiring...

4. "loves to be held....When she cries, if anyone holds her, she will stop." They neglected to mention that the person holding her has to be standing up! With all her energy, she has never tolerated being held by someone sitting in a chair, unless she really wasn't feeling well. (Lately she has let me hold and and rock her as long as I sing at the same time--but if I stop singing, she's out of there!) However, she will calm down remarkably quickly if one of us will walk with her. This is what got us through our first day together, and it has gotten us through many nights of teething and illness since. She also loves to be carried around on someone's shoulders.

5. "very playful...loves to laugh...loves to be teased" Now Esther has turned this around and loves to tease! When I go to get my shoes on, for example, she will sometimes grab them and run away with them, hoping to be chased. She also loves playing hide-and-seek, being tickled, and doing silly things (like putting a stuffed animal on her head).

6. "She responds positively to strangers and novel stimuli." If one of the comments we get most frequently about her refers to her energy, the other is, "She's not shy, is she?" Esther LOVES people, and will often wave madly at total strangers, saying "Hi! Hi! Hi!" until they respond. (She does not, however, like to be picked up by people until she's been around them for a little while, and sometimes not then.) She also loves anything new and interesting. We call her our Curious Esther.

And after a year of sharing life with this amazing little person, we are still occasionally exhausted, but much less dazed, and so incredibly blessed. It's good to be family! Happy family day, Esther!

Esther and Daddy

I just had to share a few photos of Esther and Daddy having fun together. Esther thinks she ought to do everything that Daddy does...including shaving! So here they are shaving together in the morning. (Esther's "razor" is a plastic shape with a magnet on the bottom that goes with one of her toys. It happens to be a similar shape to Tim's razor, and she "shaves" with it regularly.)





Esther also likes to "help" Daddy play his guitar. Here she is checking out how it feels to be in a guitar case.











Of course, listening to the music is pretty cool, too.












Esther's turn to play!

beautiful day

Today was absolutely beautiful! It was sunny, windy, and in between warm and cool. Esther and I went to the botanical gardens of Wheaton Regional Park in the early afternoon and had a fabulous time. I even managed to get some good pictures of her--which, considering that she rarely stays in one position for more than two seconds, was an accomplishment! So, for your viewing pleasure, here is Esther enjoying spring!





The bridge was one of Esther's favorite stops. (The other was a fountain which I didn't get any good pictures of.)











Esther is beginning to be able to go down steps by herself without holding on to anything!

























This picture is totally posed. Esther was not terribly interested in these flowers--she would much rather have been heading back towards the fountain!











Isn't she a beauty?? (Not that I'm biased or anything.)